When Models Attack!

americas next top model

If a girl is whining about having left her two children behind in order to pursue her dreams and another young lady — and we use the term loosely — is balking at the notion of doing a nude photo shoot, it must be time for the new season of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL!

In many ways, this series — the latest edition of which debuts Wednesday, September 20 at 8 p.m. on The CW — is rather like junk food… which is ironic, considering the gals probably rarely touch the stuff. But think about it: Just like chowing down a Happy Meal from McDonald’s, you know exactly what you’re getting. And while it won’t be good for you, you’ll walk away oddly satisfied.

This season is no different. Every time Tyra Banks walks into a room, there is much screaming. (Then again, these gals scream at the drop of a hat, making one feel more than a little sorry for the poor sound guys. Here’s hoping they’re provided with a supply of earplugs.) And of course there’s the girl who makes it clear very early on that she’s not there to win friends. (And judging by her behavior in the two-hour pilot, she most certainly won’t!)

Like SURVIVOR and many reality shows, this is TV by the numbers. Just as you know that before any given immunity challenge Jeff Probst is going to utter the words, “Survivors ready?”, regular viewers should by now know that on MODELS, judge Nigel Barker is a “noted fashion photographer” and that nothing in the world excites the girls more than receiving “Tyra mail!”

Oh, sure, this is the first time that two related girls wind up in the house. And we get to the annual nude photo shoot way earlier than normal. But there’s still a “been there, seen that” feel to the proceedings. When the girls strut down the runway during a challenge in the first hour, it’s obvious they’ve been watching the previous seasons and taking notes. Unlike, say, season five’s Sarah (whom runway coach Ms. J dubbed “Tipsy Tumbles”), these gals are stomping, clomping, professional-looking and fierce!

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, the less time we have to spend watching them learn to walk, the more time we have to observe them in their unnatural habitat. Is there anything better than watching one particularly bitchy girl steal another gal’s bed and then literally mark her territory by wetting it with a water bottle?

Look up the words “guilty pleasure” in the dictionary, and you’ll find a pic of Miss Tyra and company… right there next to the forbidden french fries. Best of all, these cheese is calorie free.

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