Channel Surfing with CouchTater

We’ve been hearing that sitcoms are a dying breed for years now, but come on… have things gotten so bad that ABC has to bring back ACCORDING TO JIM for a seventh season? Seriously? And we had to fight to keep FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS on the air?

Given the snoozefest that was last night’s chat between Larry King and Paris Hilton, here’s betting there are some network execs very relieved to have backed out of high-priced negotiations to land the interview. That said, we’re still laughing at Barbara Walters — you know, the woman who is largely known for making celebs cry during her sit-downs with them — dubbed the Paris interview “beneath her.”

Am I the only one terrified of that damn dagger the PIRATE MASTER contestants use to decide who will be set adrift each week? They grip their cards on either side and then thrust them upon the upturned dagger, and I just know that sooner or later, I’d cut the crap out of my hand. Meanwhile, this is a show that I’m addicted to… for no good reason. I don’t particularly like any of the contestants (or even hate them, which is just as compelling), the whole premise seems kind of silly and a tad complicated and the host may be one of the most boring people to ever preside over reality hijinx.

Is it to much to ask that a show not have a bachelor and host share a first name? AGE OF LOVE host Mark Consuelos (ex-Mateo, ALL MY CHILDREN) is actually, for our money, a better catch (just ask his wife, Kelly Ripa), than mumble-mouthed-and-looking-for-love tennis pro Mark Philippoussis. In fact, it seems as if NBC knows the former soap star is more interesting to the audience… swing by the AGE OF LOVE section of the network’s website, and you’ll see Consuelos referred to as “hunky”, a link encouraging you to read his blog… and no reference to the bachelor! Meanwhile, LOVE may represent a low point in the women’s liberation movement, not to mention the beginning of the end for themed dating shows. It’s sad and a little pathetic to see the successful 40somethings declaring “game on”, not to mention the fact that 10 minutes into the pilot, one of the women confided to the camera (and, by extension, us) that she “wasn’t happy to have to be sharing the guy I’m supposed to be dating.” Honey, what were you expecting? When the tennis player took several women rappelling down the side of the building, one of the older women – dubbed “cougars” – breathlessly declared, “Is this what it’s like to date a 30-year-old?” Um… no. This is what it’s like to date on national television, where the producers come up with ridiculous things for you to do that people on first dates would rarely consider in real life. The only positive is that the 20-year-old “kittens” who get rejected could always come back in two decades and compete again… this time on the side of the cougars. Oh, and if anyone out there doesn’t think that the producers will arrange for this to come down to the supposed catch deciding between one cougar and one kitten, I’d like to talk to you about a bridge I own in Brooklyn.

Soap fans who want a sneek peek at the hot plots on ABC’s sudsers can tune into a special titled SOAPNET’S SIZZLING SUMMER SECRETS, which will not only clue viewers into upcoming twists in Port Charles, Llanview and Pine valley, but take a look at NIGHT SHIFT, the GENERAL HOSPITAL primetime spin-off which hits SOAPnet Thursday, July 12 at 11 p.m. Meanwhile, CBS has made it easier for fans of its sudsers to keep up with events in Genoa City, Springfield and Oakdale by streaming episodes at At the moment, THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL is the only CBS soap not being streamed, with negotiations still on-going with producers.

I love me some TOP CHEF, but some of the contestants are really annoying me this season.You certainly didn’t see me shed a tear when whiney Micah packed her knives this week. Folks, if you’re going to enter a reality show competition, know what you’re getting into. Micah spent more time weeping about the child she’d left behind than on the food she was preparing. Better still, upon getting the boot after preparing a meal several judges basically labeled inedible, Micah’s parting line was, “There are some people here that probably will do anything to win, and I’m not like that.” Sweetie, it’s a cooking competition. The only thing you have to do to win is prepare amazing meals. Period.

This week, CBS unveiled the contestants and the twist for BIG BROTHER 8. The rumors flying around that people would be locked inside the house with rivals proved to be true. As for those entering the house, it seems the show’s casting department went with stereotypes which have proven popular in the past. There are several blonde girls who will probably be pretty hard to distinguish from one another for the first few weeks. There is the self-described “evil” guy whom they so obviously want to have fill Dr. Will’s shoes (despite the fact that Evil Dick – seriously, that’s what he calls himself – appears to have none of Will’s charm or charisma) and, of course, the guy who introduces himself to America by declaring, “What’s 6-foot-four and gay?” Although the group didn’t exactly make a great first impression, it’s amazing what spending three nights a week with people – as CBS hopes America will – can do. Then again, eight summers of Julie Chen haven’t exactly warmed us up to the oh-so-replaceable hostess.

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  • Common Sense

    Arrested Development is axed after 3 seasons, and Acc. To Jim gets 7? I give up on TV execs and American TV viewers. More moronic, they could not be.

    And yes, I’ve noticed in the promos for Age of Love that Mark is the better-looking catch. I fail to see the appeal of the contestant at all…and, therefore, haven’t tuned in one second of the mess.

    The Blonde Tramp on Larry King? Let’s just stop mentioning her til she commits another crime and is locked up permanently. Maybe with Trump; they deserve each other.

  • Jenny

    roflmao I love A2J! :D Keep in mind that AD & A2J and FNL & A2J were on different networks. *shrug* What can I say, I enjoy shows like George Lopez & According to Jim. Are they my faves? No, certainly not. But I do like them.

    As for the dagger on Pirate Masters, my hubby & I keep thinking the exact same thing. lol We’re just WAITING for someone to trip and fall on it. lol

    I’m enjoying Age of Love because it’s so ridiculously stupid. The 20′s are SO rude! I know the show is hyping that up, but I’m loving it. lol