Channel Surfing with C.T.

ABC should be ashamed of themselves for building an entire ad campaign for THE BACHELOR around the breakdown of one of the rejected girls. Oh, sure, I watched. I’m only human! Plus, if I don’t watch these things and report back to y’all, who will? I think of it as a public service. After last night’s episode, I’m more convinced than ever that bachelor Brad is, in fact, the dumbest man ever featured on a dating show. He’s beginning to make JOE MILLIONAIRE star Evan look like a Mensa member.

While we’re talking about dating shows, I caught the second episode of A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILLA this morning. Because really, what better way to start your day than with hunks and lesbians competing for the affections of a walking petri dish? This may be my new favorite dating show of all time. This week, Marcus — the would-be badass who laughs like a freaked-out hyena — got the boot after he and southern fried “elementary teacher” (elementary what, I can’t help wondering) got into a literal shoving match at the pool. Grace (the only woman I’ve ever seen don a flannel swimsuit), Steffanie (who was hot in a “oh, crap, I thought she was a dude!” kinda way) and Eddie (whose virginity left Tila downright confused) joined Marcus in exiting. Best moment of the episode? Lala — owner of the reddest weave in broadcast history — walking out of the competition after discovering that she was there to compete with men. What made it so fantastic was not that the girl showed a surprising level of self-respect (I can only imagine someone in casting got fired for letting her slip through), but that it looked as if she was gonna walk all the way home in a white bikini and matching high heels.

As much as I don’t care for the show REAPER, I’ve got to give the CW credit for those commercials in which Ray Wise — the show’s devil incarnate — dances about in a graveyard to the tune “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” before the words “Happy Halloween” pop up on screen. Funny stuff.

Caught the latest episode of LIFE IS WILD last night. I can’t tell you how much I love this silly little show. Maybe part of me feels as if it karmically balances out the joy I take in watching SHOT AT LOVE. I’m loving the subtle build-up to the triangle between Oliver, Katie and Tumelo. And I’m happy to report that the requisite rebel teen — played to perfection by Andrew St. John — is starting to mellow at least a bit. A little of that “obnoxious bad boy who has a heart of gold” crap goes a long way with me. I still can’t quite put my finger on what it is I love about this show, but as long as I get my weekly dose, I’m a happy camper. And really, can’t we all use more shows that leave us feeling good when they’re over?

Although THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ big “Out Of The Ashes” storyline — featuring the collapse of several buildings — got off to a shaky start on Friday with some bad special effects, by Monday, the show had won me over. I’m not a big fan of soaps doing “stunts” like this one, and it’s definitely not the kind of thing one would expect of Y&R. But the first full day in which this storyline unfolded — focusing mostly on the trapped trio of Sharon, Jack and Nicholas — featured strong writing, good performances and surprisingly effective sets. And anyone who knows me knows that I’m a sucker for shows that create a special opening credit sequence for big storylines, which Y&R did here. I’m still not sure how I feel about Y&R diving into the “big stunt” field, but it’s certainly coming off a whole lot better than, say, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s train wreck or ONE LIFE TO LIVE’s tornado did last year.

Speaking of soaps, DAYS OF OUR LIVES may have been wildly uneven of late, but the episodes focusing on the funeral for John Black — one of the most beloved characters in the show’s history — were dead on. (Forgive the pun.) From Stefano showing up at the funeral to the wonderful flashbacks, this was what good soaps do when a major actor leaves. But I’m telling you now: John had damn well better be dead. Fans have seen this show pull the “fooled you!” card once too often, and there are only so many times folks will be good sports about that kind of thing. Meanwhile, make sure to tune in to SOAPNET this Sunday for their Halloween marathon, “The Devil Made Me Do it: Marlena’s Possession.” That’s right, they’re replaying the episodes in which Marlena summoned a swarm of bees, morphed into a panther, levitates and eventually has her literal inner demons exorcised by true love (and, conveniently enough, former priest) John. Talk about your Halloween treats!

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