I’m still loving CANE, but lord, Polly Walker’s accent is distracting. Surely the show could have come up with some way to allow her to speak in her natural, beautiful voice. At this point, I’d settle for killing her character off and introducing her twin, English-raised-and-accented sister. And I’m actually enjoying the storylines which revolve around lesser characters as opposed to the dark and sinister ones revolving around Jimmy Smits’ alter ego. Don’t get me wrong… Smits is a great actor in a good role. But I’d much rather see the Duque clan’s fast and furious exchanges over the dinner table than Alex seeking backroom justice week after week. (Although who can blame him for wanting to punish the people who roughed-up Eddie Matos’ Henry. “Not the face! Not the face! And not the hair!” I cringed as those nasty Russians started pummeling him.) And not for nothing, but when the guy in the pool got bit by the snake, did anybody else think he misread the script and mistook the word “snake” for “shark”?)
Why am I still watching HEROES? A serious of mysterious pictures leading to a scary future in which something bad happens to New York City. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. And some of Monday night’s effects were downright cheesy. That final scene in Times Square? I’ve seen better green screen effects on BLUE’S CLUES. Finally, could someone tell the Powers That Be at NBC that reading letters is a lazy plot device? It didn’t work when Salem’s residents spend months reading Colleen and Santo’s love letters on DAYS OF OUR LIVES, and it’s not working here. Bring Hiro back, pronto.
Most people know that I despise Bill O’Reilly and everything he stands for. Well, turns out he’s not exactly the most popular person at the Fox News Channel. That net’s vice president, Brian Wilson, recently told the Society of Professional Journalists what we’ve all suspected for years: Bill-O isn’t exactly eligible for membership in the organization. “Bill O’Reilly is not a journalist,” he told the group. “It is an opinion-based program.” Of course, Wilson is now trying to backpedal. “What I probably should have said is he’s not a reporter or a journalist in the traditional sense,” he now says. And as for the SPJ? He’s now referring to them as “fairly adversarial.” Yeah, see, that’s what happens when you deal with journalists who actually ask questions as opposed to Bill-O, who looks for opportunities to bash those who oppose him and… oh yeah, show half-naked people. Last night’s show, for example, featured a piece on the annual Erotic Exotic Ball which O’Reilly teased mercilessly at every commercial bumper with footage of semi-nude attendees with various body parts blurred out. Only when the story actually began about 20 minutes in did he warn viewers that the accompanying footage — much of which they’d already seen in the bumpers — might be offensive. Yeah, no blatant attempt at ratings there, Bill! He then pumped a producer who’d attended for every filthy detail he could get. The point of the story? None, really, unless you count his warnings of doom should “San Francisco values” take over the world. For the most part, this was an excuse to run sexy photos and have Bill chat up a pretty producer about dirty things. Oh, and the bumper immediately following the story? A gyrating woman helping promote the next overheated segment on stripclub’s accused of overcharging patrons. And let’s not forget the segment on the legality of kiddie porn featuring — you guessed it — salacious images of teenage girls posing with various portions of the image blurred out. Given Bill’s own tawdry past and the many accusations lodged against him over the years, it quickly becomes clear that Fox has basically given this dirty old man an open forum in which to attack his opponents and get his jollies.
How much did I love that one of the prospective in-laws called BACHELOR Brad on his intelligence and lifestyle Monday night? Bettina’s dad all but called his daughter’s would-be beau a moron. Brad’s reaction? Deer, meet headlights. I’ve never been less invested in a season of this dippy dating show. Why? Because no matter how many times they have Brad take off his shirt, he’s still got absolutely no personality whatsoever. Having him endlessly repeat “I’m really excited” does not translate into my actually being excited.
Today’s “Seriously?” Award goes to… the fine muckrakers over at ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. Now that show’s been pretty worthless for a long time, and I’ve long bemoaned the fact that the whole show is one extended preview for what’s coming up after the break, in four minutes or on tomorrow’s edition. But this show sank to a new low when last night’s “Last Minute News” segment featured “a [JERRY] SPRINGER catfight for the ages” in which two trashy women shoved, pushed and pulled hair over a man who, if not illiterate, surely could not spell the word. Am I mistaken, or did ET once possess a shred of dignity and entertainment value? Paging Mary Hart’s dignity… has anyone seen Mary Hart’s dignity? No?