So ONE TREE HILL will be back in a few weeks, and I find myself asking the age-old question: Am I so hard-up for new programs that I’ll give this monstrosity another try? I think we all know the answer. (Is there anybody out there actually excited about its return?) Could fast-forwarding the plot four years so that the 30something actors are now playing 20somethings instead of high school kids really work?
My housemates and I have decided that Bravo should do a new competition in which past contestants from PROJECT RUNWAY, TOP CHEF, TOP DESIGN and SHEER GENIUS compete against one another in a variety of competitions covered on their individual shows. The reality star who proves to be the best designer/chef/decorator/hairstylist will win, and we’ll call the show TOP, a title sure to appeal to the huge gay audience drawn in by Bravo’s competitions. (If you didn’t get that joke, you are so not among our dream show’s target audience.)
Forgive me, but I’m going on record as loving the crapfest known as CROWNED. It might help that I went into it with the lowest of low expectations, only to find myself laughing at — definitely not with — several of the mother/daughter duos competing for the prize. How can you not get a kick out of a show on which two women name their team Silent But Deadly without realizing that they’ve become a walking flatulence joke? And then there’s Patty and Laura, who define the word “insincere” with their every word, gesture and deed. Finally, there’s Angela, the kind of camera-ready drama queen whom you know spent the weeks before taping got under way figuring out the best way to make herself the center of attention. Her chosen course? Stirring up trouble at every turn. She’s a truly vile woman who represents the worst of what people often become on reality television. I’m not sure I really get the point of having the Cabana Boy around, but you know, I’ve never one to begrudge viewers pointless eye candy. (Although why you’d call him a Cabana Boy and not put him in a swim suit, I’m not sure. Then again, I don’t get why the guy isn’t 75 percent hotter.) It’s nice to see that Nick Verros (of PROJECT RUNWAY’s season 2) getting a little work, if only to show the would-be models that there is life after reality tv… if by “life” you mean landing a one-shot on another reality show. At this point, I’m hoping to see Hollis and Gina walk away with the crown since they’re the only ones who seem like truly decent people.
Am I the only person who is dying to see MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL, if only because it’s sure to be cheesetacular? And don’t even mention the return of PARADISE HOTEL in my presence if you’re not prepared to join me each and every week to revel in its glory.
I want to send a personal thank you out to both the writers and the execs whose battle has resulted in my DVR being emptier than Britney Spears’ head. As a result, I’ve had lots of time to do something I haven’t in a while, and which I’ve always enjoyed: watch movies. Over the past few days, I watched Transamerica (great performances, but… come on? The kid didn’t figure out it was his dad? Whatever.), Notes On A Scandal (Holy Twisted Sister, Batman! In the hands of anyone else, this could have been a total B flick, but Judi Dench turned this into one of my recent faves) and Infamous (the Truman Capote pic from last year that didn’t star Philip Seymour Hoffman). If the strike continues, I might finally get a chance to watch Roots, the entire series of Airport films and those DVD’s of MURDER ONE’s second season I recently bought off e-Bay.That said, don’t be surprised if when you folks finally decide to end this moronic stand-off (how anyone can say the writer’s don’t deserve to be paid when the networks make money is beyond me), a whole lot of us have come to the conclusion that you’re not the only game in town.