Channel Surfing with C.T.

So ONE TREE HILL will be back in a few weeks, and I find myself asking the age-old question: Am I so hard-up for new programs that I’ll give this monstrosity another try? I think we all know the answer. (Is there anybody out there actually excited about its return?) Could fast-forwarding the plot four years so that the 30something actors are now playing 20somethings instead of high school kids really work?

My housemates and I have decided that Bravo should do a new competition in which past contestants from PROJECT RUNWAY, TOP CHEF, TOP DESIGN and SHEER GENIUS compete against one another in a variety of competitions covered on their individual shows. The reality star who proves to be the best designer/chef/decorator/hairstylist will win, and we’ll call the show TOP, a title sure to appeal to the huge gay audience drawn in by Bravo’s competitions. (If you didn’t get that joke, you are so not among our dream show’s target audience.)

Forgive me, but I’m going on record as loving the crapfest known as CROWNED. It might help that I went into it with the lowest of low expectations, only to find myself laughing at — definitely not with — several of the mother/daughter duos competing for the prize. How can you not get a kick out of a show on which two women name their team Silent But Deadly without realizing that they’ve become a walking flatulence joke? And then there’s Patty and Laura, who define the word “insincere” with their every word, gesture and deed. Finally, there’s Angela, the kind of camera-ready drama queen whom you know spent the weeks before taping got under way figuring out the best way to make herself the center of attention. Her chosen course? Stirring up trouble at every turn. She’s a truly vile woman who represents the worst of what people often become on reality television. I’m not sure I really get the point of having the Cabana Boy around, but you know, I’ve never one to begrudge viewers pointless eye candy. (Although why you’d call him a Cabana Boy and not put him in a swim suit, I’m not sure. Then again, I don’t get why the guy isn’t 75 percent hotter.) It’s nice to see that Nick Verros (of PROJECT RUNWAY’s season 2) getting a little work, if only to show the would-be models that there is life after reality tv… if by “life” you mean landing a one-shot on another reality show. At this point, I’m hoping to see Hollis and Gina walk away with the crown since they’re the only ones who seem like truly decent people.

Am I the only person who is dying to see MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL, if only because it’s sure to be cheesetacular? And don’t even mention the return of PARADISE HOTEL in my presence if you’re not prepared to join me each and every week to revel in its glory.

I want to send a personal thank you out to both the writers and the execs whose battle has resulted in my DVR being emptier than Britney Spears’ head. As a result, I’ve had lots of time to do something I haven’t in a while, and which I’ve always enjoyed: watch movies. Over the past few days, I watched Transamerica (great performances, but… come on? The kid didn’t figure out it was his dad? Whatever.), Notes On A Scandal (Holy Twisted Sister, Batman! In the hands of anyone else, this could have been a total B flick, but Judi Dench turned this into one of my recent faves) and Infamous (the Truman Capote pic from last year that didn’t star Philip Seymour Hoffman). If the strike continues, I might finally get a chance to watch Roots, the entire series of Airport films and those DVD’s of MURDER ONE’s second season I recently bought off e-Bay.That said, don’t be surprised if when you folks finally decide to end this moronic stand-off (how anyone can say the writer’s don’t deserve to be paid when the networks make money is beyond me), a whole lot of us have come to the conclusion that you’re not the only game in town.

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  • Josh Emerson

    Dude, I can’t believe you could actually watch and enjoy shows like Crowned and the Bravo lineup but then put down One Tree Hill. lol OTH isn’t the greatest show or anything, but at least it’s halfway interesting with some good storylines. Given the lack of other options, I’m excited for OTH. That, Lost, and Jericho are basically the only scripted shows I have during this strike.

    I’ve definitely turned to DVDs lately. I just watched the entire series of Extras, which was awesome. Missed out on it since I don’t get HBO.

  • Jamie P

    I am so looking forward to OTH!! I agree that its definaltely not the best show on tv by any means. I cant wait to see how the fast foward goes. And it looks like this will be one of the very few scripted shows we will have to watch.

    And OMG did u say Paradise Hotel?? That is in my top 5 best reality shows of all time! Cant wait for it to start back up.

  • SimplyKimberly

    I will continue my record of not watching One Tree Hill. I refuse to watch one more show about Pretty People with Problems.

    But Torchwood Season 2 starts next month so I am all good. And James Marsters is going to be on the show. Captain Jack Harkness + James Marsters makes for very happy tv viewing. Thank goodness for BBC America.

  • Josh Emerson

    I forgot about The Sarah Connor Chronicles. That’s one scripted show I’ll be watching for sure.

  • ct

    You know, from the beginning, OTH has been one of those shows that people either love or hate. There aren’t a lot of people who feel ambivalent toward it. I definitely fall into the “hate” category. I’ve tried, really, I have, because I think y’all know that I love my soapy sagas. But the acting on this show is pretty awful, at least in my never-humble opinon. The lead-who-isn’t-chad-michael-murray may be one of the worst actors to find success on a long-running (by today’s standards) shows since Lorenzo Lamas’ billion-year run on FALCON CREST!

  • Stella

    One Tree Hill is a pretty horrible show. It’s just never been good. I guess it’s entertaining to some people, but it’s just really bad. A heap of melodrama with a pile of crapy, soapy story lines? I already watch daytime television. Add to that a self-righteous, oblivious, petty showrunner? No thanks.

  • Allie

    I am looking forward to OTH 🙂

  • Stephanie

    Im so stoked for the return of OTH. If it wasnt your cup of tea before, it very well may not be still. But with the change in format and characters, it could be. Dont knock it till you see it, revamped.

  • ct

    Steph – I totally plan to watch — or at least DVR — the season premiere of OTH. Nobody wants to see primetime soaps succeed more than I do. That’s why I’m alternately pleased and peeved by Gossip Girl, which is so incredibly uneven. And not just from week to week, but sometimes even within the same episode! For example, the last new episode — in which Blair’s dad brought his boyfriend home — was, for the most part, dreadful. but then at the end, when Lily got the proposal even as Rufus was calling on her phone and Blair got that heart-stopping text/photo from Chuck, it was edge-of-your-seat cliffhanger time. I want GG to just commit to being a soap and stop pussyfooting around! So yeah, I’m hoping that advancing OTH four years will push the storylines in a more mature direction and take away the distraction of constantly saying, “Okay, why are these 30-year-olds in high school? Shouldn’t they be, like, teachers by now?”

  • David

    WOW! Tv Addict, OTH is certainly not the greatest show…BUT IT IS WAY…WAY…WAY BETTER THAN MOST OF THE SH*T ON TV RIGHT NOW! You have a rather good cast and rather good storylines! I definitly would have rather seen OTH go then OC but, I don’t make the decisions…it is a well scripted show and I do believe that the show can, and will strive with this new 4 year flash forward! my list of TV is sorta hard to get on…and it made my list so…you should give it a shot! It’s just an hour or two….and it IS scripted……….or would you rather watch deal or no deal…………………for two ………….dreadfully long…..hours?!

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