A Sneak Preview of TV 2008

Oh, sure, with the writers strike sticking around like Britney Spears at an open bar, the networks are keeping a tight lid on their top-secret plans for 2008. Fortunately, your pal CT is in the know. So here, without further ado, are the hush-hush plot twists set to rock your favorite shows if and when the strike ever resolves itself.
After it’s revealed that her entire clan perished in that ratings stunt… er, tornado, Lynette cries for about three seconds before realizing that she’s been given a second chance. Quicker than you can say “extra pepperoni” she’s summoned Jason Gedrick — aka the only interesting thing about that stupid pizza parlor plot from a while ago — back for a little vo-de-oh-doh-doh. And expect jaws to drop when it turns out that gay neighbor Bob and Katherine Mayfair’s spouse, Adam, once shared a steamy history when both lived in a tiny Pennsylvania town called Llanview.
My source on the set of the Upper East Side saga reveals that tongues will wag when it is revealed that Serena’s snippy grandma is actually the person behind the secret-spilling site which keeps tabs on N, B, C and the rest of the gang. That’s right… CeCe is GG!
Can’t wait three years to find out what will be revealed in the final episode? No need… because I’ve got the dirt. That scene in which Jack told Kate that they had to go back to the island and that leaving had been a huge mistake? What they didn’t show you was a demented fan (rumored to be none other than our pal Daniel, the TV Addict himself) standing just off-camera, holding a gun on Jack and demanding that the entire cast and crew head back to the island (aka Hawaii) and provide us with some damned answers ASAP!
Things will change forever where the Winchester boys are concerned after they cross paths with a vampire slaye and her bi-sexual Wiccan gal pal. Just as things heat up between Dean and the slayer, rumor has it a tall, dark and kinda monosyllabic vampire from her past will put in a most untimely appearance. Also, watch for a special Sweeps episode in which a demon shows the boys what life would have been like had they settled in a small Connecticut town with freakishly fast-talking residents. 

In the stunning season finale, Samantha will get her memory back thanks to a freak accident involving her mom, a rogue duck and Sputnik. The twist for next season? The stress of finding out just how awful a person she was before getting amnesia causes Samantha to develop alternate personality disorder. The one thing all five of her new personas can agree upon is the hotness of Eddie Cibrian (and the fact that VERONICA MARS shouldn’t have been yanked off the airwaves).
Holy Guest Stars, Batman! When the entire Walker clan goes to rehab, they find themselves rubbing shoulders with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, whose song “Rehab” will become B&S’s new theme. And in the most controversial episode of the season, half-siblings Justin and Rebecca say “screw it” and then do just that!  

In an explosive, ripped-from-the-headlines plot, the new season revolves entirely around Jack’s efforts to buy a Wii on Christmas Eve. Expect ratings to soar when Jack tortures a store associate (special guest star Bill “waterboarding isn’t torture” O’Reilly) who is keeping a unit stashed for a pal.

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  • joey

    HAHAHA!!! where do you come up with this stuff? you are so funny!!!!!

    poss not.

  • Funny stuff CT. Perhpas Desperate can give Tuc Watkins more to do than stand around. As for Lynette’s “second chance”, just as soon as she starts that 2nd life, her husband and kids will show up with that cat.

  • Stef

    Clearly my coffee has not kicked in… I read the Housewives one and believed it for a minute. Sheesh, you nearly gave me a heart attack!

    Good stuff though. The Gossip Girl one is hilarious.

  • cam3150

    I know, I totally fell for the DH one as well, for about the the first three lines or so. I totally agree, Jason Gedrick was the ONLY interesting thing to come out of the Scavo’s Pizza Parlor. I know it’s wrong — but I totally wanted him and Lynette to hook up!! Their chemistry practically sizzled!!!

  • ct

    Joey: I struggle with that every day of my life. Am I funny? Wildly! Oh, wait… maybe not. I appreciate your input. Sincerely! Possibly not.

  • Tarn

    A Supernatural/Buffy crossover? Great idea, but somehow, I see Dean with Faith, not Buffy. Cos it would be hot! 😉

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