“Joy, make sure you get flavored vodka. I like it when my throw up tastes like cherry.”

“here’s the problem with teleportation…”

“hello oompa loompas of science”

“he watched me work for 10 minutes then started designing a simple piece of software that could replace me”

From The Big Bang Theory:
Sheldon: “I’m going to solve the Middle East Crisis by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert.”
Dr. Gabelhauser: “To what end?”
Sheldon: “Its like the baseball movie, build it and they will come.”
Dr. Gabelhauser: “Who will come?”
Sheldon: “The Jewish people.”
Dr. Gabelhauser: “What if they don’t come?”
Sheldon: “We’ll make it nice, put out a spread.”

THE OFFICE:

Michael calls Oscar – “Oscar Mayer Wiener Lover”– asking if he has any girl friends who trust him (since he is their gay best friend).

“Can an average sized rowboat could hold her” Michael to Phyllis about her friend.

Kevin and Andy beg Michael to help with the parking situation, but he won’t help – should maybe, but “shorn’t.”

“There is no one I hate enough to put their name on the card” –Stanley

Michael calls a “hot juicy red head named Wendy”

30 ROCK:
“Food Network doesn’t have a news show.”
Dennis interrupting his own press conference with Mayor Bloomberg to shout, “Stern rules! Baba Booey!”
Jack explaining that Dennis’ To Catch a Predator thing “was one big misunderstanding — like the Giuliani campaign.”
“We’re like Ross and Rachel, but just not gay.”
“She told me her last boyfriend was Asian, and that crap doesn’t start until college .”
Bucky being a big TV star in “the ’40s, ’50s and the fall of 1972.”
Kenneth’s voting strategy: “Choosing is a sin so I just write in the Lord’s name” — and Jack then saying, “That’s Republican. We count those.”
Bucky’s first “wrong turn,” detailing the “inside monogrammed pocket for your opium pipe and switchblade.”
“Me and it, we’re teaming up to fight illiteracy!”
Dot Com expounding upon how “today’s Republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln.”
“We used to call this the Jew room.”
Bucky on the giant lesbian he met in the halls of NBC: “Who is Conan O’Brien and why is she so sad?”
“I can’t help McCain. He’s a Navy man, and I almost joined the Marines once.”
“My cologne is distilled from the bilge water of Rupert Murdoch’s yacht.”
Jenna explaining that “Love is hiding who you are at all times” by “going downstairs to the Burger King to poop… and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles.”
Dennis boasting, “A stripper offered to give me a squeezer last night. A white stripper.”
“Winston dialed 911 and said ‘fire,’ but only because he didn’t know word for rape.”
Dennis claiming that the firefighter exam is “totally biased against the Irish.”

“Oscar Meyer Weiner… lover.”