Look, we love TV. Really, we do. But seasons like the one which just wrapped up leave us wondering if maybe we should rethink our stance on reading. (It is, we hear, fundamental!) Fortunately, even on the darkest of nights (better known as the evening CBS aired SECRET TALENTS OF THE STARS), we know in our heart of hearts that if it weren’t for our love of the tube known as boob, our lives would be horribly empty. Besides, if we didn’t watch, how could we possibly report on the best and worst of each passing season? With that goal in mind, we present a look at the 2007-2008 season… the good, the bad and the so ugly we wanted to look away… but couldn’t. (Yes, we’re looking at you CAVEMEN.)
Most Talked About Show: If buzz were money, the CW would be rolling in cash thanks to GOSSIP GIRL. Unfortunately, there seem to be more people talking about the show’s trashy teens then actually watching them.
Most Talked About Show That Never Actually Aired: In a move we’d expect from FOX, HBO spent over $20 million on the star-studded laugher 12 MILES OF BAD ROAD and then pulled the plug (reportedly due to material of questionable taste) before any of the six produced episodes aired.
Most Downwardly Mobile Career: Mischa Barton turned down the role of GOSSIP GIRL’s Georgina Sparks. Worse, the former OC resident reportedly told the press of her decision to pass on the role before GG’s execs, who believed she would be joining the cast!
Reason #45 To Invest In A High-Definition TV: As if PUSHING DAISIES weren’t one of the most brilliantly acted and written shows on television, it also features some of the most eye-popping visuals ever to grace the medium. And if you think the pie maker’s world looks great on your boring, regular set… wait until you see him in high def.
Proof That We Know What We’re Talking About: Shortly after viewing the pilot of BACK TO YOU, our own CT said the show spent too much time on secondary players and made a huge mistake in revealing that the leads shared a child in the pilot. Sure enough, despite moments of brilliance, the show didn’t get renewed.
Evidence That We’re Full Of Crap: Shortly after writing a scathing piece on why he absolutely, positive hated SUPERNATURAL, our own CT was convinced by fans to give it another shot. Much to his chagrin, he fell in love with the series.
Most Egregious Product Placement: Forget those Coke cups AMERICAN IDOL’s Paula and company sip their… er, soda, yes, that’s it, soda from. A study showed that during the first three months of this season, the show racked up 3,291 instances of product placement. And that ain’t even counting the commercials!
Most Disturbing Moment, Reality Division: Following an alcohol-fueled tirade, THE REAL WORLD: HOLLYWOOD’s Joey passes out, dead to the world… with his eyes wide open.
Most Disturbing Storyline, Primetime Division: NIP/TUCK wins this one hands down, but we’re torn between two storylines which unfolded in a single episode: The married couple who fed on one another, or the agent who killed her rival by replacing his insides with the material you’d find inside a stuffed teddy bear!
Most Disturbing Storyline, Daytime Division: GENERAL HOSPITAL sank to a new low by having Sonny’s troubled son pick up a gun and accidentally shoot Kate. Oh, wait, the real low was then having the kid pay for the sins of his mobster father by taking a bullet to the head!
Trend We Refuse To Buy Into: By dividing seasons of a TV show in half when releasing it on DVD (ala the upcoming DYNASTY: Season 3, Volume 1), manufacturers are making it easier for us to ignore that internal voice urging us to purchase shows we’ll probably never watch anyway.
Most-Missed Sugar High: Sure, CBS’ CANE had some problems, but it also featured some solid acting from such heavy-hitters as Jimmy Smits, Hector Elizondo and the woefully underused Rita Moreno.
Best Use Of A Time Machine: What sounded like a lame gimmick — fast-forwarding ONE TREE HILL four years — turned out to be the smartest thing the show ever did. Sure, the characters are still a whiny, self-absorbed lot, but at least they no longer look like teachers trying to pass themselves off as high school students.
Worst Use Of A Time Machine: Jumping five years into the future should have propelled the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES characters into exciting new situations. But all we got was Gaby playing mom to chubby kids and Susan making out with a stranger. Yawn.
Inconceivable Plot Twist We’re Willing To Forgive: We love MAD MEN, but come on. Peggy didn’t realize she was pregnant? Seriously?
Inconceivable Plot Twist We’ll Certainly Never Forget: Perhaps determined to go out with a bang, soon-to-wrap-its run sudser PASSIONS had hermaphrodite Vincent/Valerie sleep with and get pregnant by his own dad, Julian!
Worst Reality Hostess: Has BIG BROTHER’s Julie Chen – aka The Chenbot – ever once asked a departing houseguest the question we most want answered? Like how Ryan feels about the fact his girlfriend called him a racist, or how Crazy James thought showmance Chelsea would react to news that he’d done gay porn?
It Ain’t Easy Lovin’ A Foreigner: Fall began with a full-on invasion… until NBC pulled the plug on EASTENDER babe Michelle Ryan’s stint as the BIONIC WOMAN, the staking of MOONLIGHT left Brit beauty Sophia Myles unemployed and Scottish JOURNEYMAN Kevin McKidd had his trip cut short.
Series We Really, Really Wanted To Like… But Didn’t: Much as we love Addison, PRIVATE PRACTICE is no GREY’S ANATOMY.
Reality Show Most In Need Of A Makeover: Sorry, Miss Tyra, but AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL has officially fallen into a rut.
The Energizer Bunny Of Reality Shows: SURVIVOR’s fan vs. favorites cycle – thanks in large part to a shocking series of tribal councils in which one contestant after another was blindsided — proved that if it ain’t broke, there’s no reason to fix it.
Worst Villains: In a good story, you feel at least a little sympathy for the bad guy. But we weren’t feelin’ the love for Hollywood execs who drove writers to strike by insisting there was “no money” to be made in rebroadcasting shows over the internet even as they urged viewers to watch shows on their websites!
Best Drinking Game: Raise a glass every time one of the Walker clan of BROTHERS & SISTERS does and you’ll be drunk by the half-way point of most episodes.
When Good Shows Go Bad: Landry and Tyra’s ridiculous murder plot threatened to turn FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS into the worst kind of soap opera.
Early Bird Special: The 2008-2009 season hasn’t even started, but we’re already rolling our eyes at PRISON BREAK’s announcement that Sara – you know, the gal whose head wound up in a box? – isn’t really dead. This despite the show’s producers assuring us she was really, most sincerely dead when first Lincoln made the grisly discovery.