5 Ways to Guarantee Job Security in Hollywood

supernatural winchester brothers

In Michael Ausiello’s latest blind item, he teased that, “If a certain TV star is reading this, they should squint extra hard to read between the lines. How come? They’ve been canned — they just don’t know it yet!”

Now aside from the fact that Ausiello’s blind items are the Hollywood equivalent of cruel and unusual punishment, what with leaving us dying to know what he does, we can’t help thinking that given the sad state of the economy, this isn’t the most ideal time to be an out-of-work actor. (Unless, of course, you’re willing to demean yourself on a reality show in which case the world could, temporarily, be your oyster!)

Which is why, as a public service to those in the industry who are working — and want to ensure that they continue to do so — this TV Addict thought he’d take a moment to offer up a few helpful hints which should prevent you from winding up in the same position as  GREY’S ANATOMY’s T.R. Knight…err… we mean whoever Ausiello’s blind item is referring to!

Tip #1: Make Yourself Irreplaceable
Quick! What do Michael C. Hall, America Ferrera and Hugh Laurie all have in common? Well, aside from Emmy nominations up the wazoo, they are virtually guaranteed job security. After all, what’s DEXTER without… um, Dexter? Sure, there are other doctors running around Princeton Plainsboro hospital, but without House, you know they ain’t gonna cure your ailing butt. And sure, they could try and sell us on UGLY HILDA, but, um, have you seen her? In movies, actors always want “above the title” credit. But on TV, you want something better: You wanna BE the title!

Tip #2: Become Immortal
Assuming you (or your overpaid agent!) fail at getting your show named after you (Nate Stone, you were so close!), your next best option when it comes to job security is remembering that there is life after death… as long as you ain’t human. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA’s Cylons may be humanity’s nemesis, but playing a character that has a million doppelgangers is an actor’s dream. Other options: robots sent from the future (TERMINATOR’s Cromartie has been shot, buried “alive” and burned to a crisp but, like a Timex, he takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’), or even a soap, where everyone has an evil twin!

Tip #3: Marry Well
Season after season, BIG BROTHER fans complain about the personalityless hostess, Julie “Chenbot” Chen. How, exactly, does someone with the a persona every bit as captivating as five-week old Thanksgiving leftovers become a reality hostess and co-host of a network morning show? Two little words, my friend: Les Moonves. I mean, seriously, are YOU going to be the one to fire the wife of CBS’ president? Didn’t think so.

Tip #4: Be A Go-To Guy Or Gal
Just try and name a show Christine Rose — currently rockin’ our socks as HEROES’ Angela Petrelli — hasn’t done. Trust me, you can’t. HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, LOVESPRING INTERNATIONAL, BIG LOVE, PICKET FENCES, SAVED, CROSSING JORDAN, CSI, WITHOUT A TRACE, FRIENDS, GILMORE GIRLS, THE PRACTICE, BOSTON LEGAL… that ain’t even half of her list.

Tip #5: Be A Ghostbuster
Finally, the ultimate — albeit most challenging — way to guarantee yourself a little job security is to be a Winchester boy. Sure, the SUPERNATURAL bros have faced more demons than an entire season of DR. PHIL guests, but what makes them truly immortal is their rabid passionate fanbase. Executives would rather go head-to-head with the FCC than tick off all those fangirls!

  • John

    You don’t have to be a robot to be immortal – you can be a ghost on Grey’s Amatomy.

  • luke

    You really think its T.R. Knight? I thought Ausiello said the show was getting budget cuts and I thought Grey’s was still doing well in the ratings. My guess is it’s someone from Heroes.

  • bws

    Almost everyone thinks it is TR Knight but almost everyone could be wrong. I do know that Heroes is facing budget cuts so people have thought it might be Masi Oka because the writers were tired of using time travel loopholes.

  • Mel

    ” . . . what makes them truly immortal is their rabid passionate fanbase. Executives would rather go head-to-head with the FCC than tick off all those fangirls!”

    Awwww! TVAddict! You say the sweetest things!

    Mohinder –please let it be Mohinder!!

  • tim w. in tx

    I didn’t think TR was a ‘diva.’ but what do I know? I was thinking the squint was in reference to ‘heroes’ Masi too.

  • Kristen

    I think Michael Ausiello could’ve been talking about Shanae Grimes from 90210. She squints all the time!

  • seejayess

    Hopefully it’s Ellen Pompeo.

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