5 Lessons Learned From Last Night’s GOSSIP GIRL

gossip girl carnal knowledge

It turns out Dan and Jenny Humphrey aren’t the only underprivileged kids from the wrong side of the tracks who are getting a free education every Monday night at 8PM. Here are a few things this TV Addict gleaned following last night’s time spent on the Upper East Side.

Lesson #1: The cell phone is mightier than the sword
Just ask Michael Phelps! But seriously, all it took was one brilliantly succinct text message on behalf of Blair (“Lonely Boy and Ms. Carr? Mary Kay Letourneau alert!”) to get the ball rolling with regards to last night’s scandal du jour. Impressive, no?

Lesson #2: Calling a teacher by her first name is never a good idea
Not only is Dan Humphrey’s continued insistence on referring to Ms. Carr as “Rachel” practically beg the Constance Billard rumor mill to skip jump into overdrive, it further cemented Humphrey’s status as a pretentious pompous blowhard — not to mention, somewhat of an idiot! I mean hello!? On what planet does one cheat on the Amazonian Goddess known as Serena van der Woodsen with a teacher who eerily resembles a younger, shorter Shannen Doherty?

Lesson #3: Dorota can do no wrong
From tackling the majority, make that all of Ms. Blair’s community service to sneaking through Constance Billard’s crowded hallways incognito, not only does this TV Addict fall more and more in love with Dorota each and every episode, we’re fairly confident that she’s got the “right stuff” to make it in Joss Whedon’s DOLLHOUSE. Who’s with me?!

Lesson #4: Eyes Wide Shut story-lines never work
We hated the Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman movie and last night’s Chuck (mis)adventure simply had our eyes wide shut.

Lesson #5: Parenting is overrated
Putting aside the fact that Lily van der Woodsen would seriously side with teenage antics of one Blair Waldorf, we spent the better half of the episode wondering… where’s Blair’s mom? I mean are we the only one’s who’ve noticed that she’s been MIA for weeks now?

Photo Credit: Giovanni Rufino / The CW

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  • neil

    i have no sympathy for the teacher “Rachel” she shouldn’t have met up with dan after the huge rumor came out…. innocent or not, that meeting should not happened and it did not help her.

    and now with her basically bedding dan… well she’s basically screwed and deserves to be fired [again!]

    even if Blair was wrong to go after her like that…. the teacher didnt do anything to stop it… she instead just ignited the fire more.


  • I agree, the teacher is eww (as someone who is young but works with high school age boys more ewww) but still Blair needs to be knocked down a peg. More than just her daddy knowing she’s not perfect.

  • Mari

    “Not to mention, somewhat of an idiot! I mean hello? On what planet does one cheat on the Amazonian Goddess known as Serena van der Woodsen for a teacher who eerily resembles a younger, shorter Shannen Doherty.”


  • Jessica

    Blair’s mom is on her honeymoon. that why her dad has been staying with her at the house. And that why Blair’s lying worked because momma Waldrof is well aware of Blair’s scheming nature. And Blair for the record didn’t so much lie as predict the future LOL. And I agree totally hated Chuck’s storyline and Nate/Vanessa are beyond boring their like primetimes version of GH’s Nikolas/Nadine.

  • I was disappointed in Blair mostly because I was expecting some crazy “Black Ops” mission as promised. Posting a rumor to Gossip Girl is not Black Ops. It’s lame and she kind of deserved the expulsion.

  • “…pretentious pompous blowhard”

    Patent that!

  • tim w. in tx

    Any teacher who meets with students who aren’t even IN one of thier classes is TROUBLE. lol But I thought Dan and Serena have been ‘done’ and last night it was good to see them break up. I like them, but not together. lol I like Dan getting ‘dirty’ with that teacher. Dorato rocks! Love her. As for Blair disappointing her father, surely this can’t be the 1st time? lol And Chuck’s storyline was BORING and out of character. Chuck cares for Chuck. lol Why would he care about a ‘stranger’ he didn’t even have sex with? Total miss. And tagging along N and V was beyond pointless.

  • Lori

    Chuck’s storyline was definetly boring. It made no sense at all. I kept waiting for something good to happen all night and it never did. I hope this show is not starting to spiral downwards. It started as one of the hottest shows on the cw and now I think the writers are blocked.