Tonight’s TV Addictions: February 11, 2009

Do we really need two hours to announce the final 36? Apparently, the answer is yes.

Left to her own devices, Christine attempts to prove she can take care of herself. Something tells us this won’t be pretty.

We love shows with creative episode titles. This is not one of those shows. In fact, the title of tonight’s episode — “Gary And Dennis’ Sister” — either tells you everything you need to know about the plot or tells me you’re perhaps not smart enough for a better program.

To say that this show has become wildly confusing would be an understatement on the level of “Sometimes, one can spot blue in the sky during the daytime.” But that’s not a complaint by any stretch of the imagination. Given how dumbed-down 90 percent of television is these days, we’ll take a complicated story that keeps us guessing and using our brains any day. This week, Locke gets it into his head that he can stop the island from hop-scotching through time.

LIFE ON MARS (10:02PM ABC, Global in Canada)
What does it mean that both of tonight’s shows with LIFE in their title feature plots revolving around rock stars? Perhaps only that endless episodes of LOST have left me looking for conspiracies and hidden meanings. In any case, Wallace Shawn guests as an FBI agent known as The Sorcerer, and Sam thinks he may have found a way to get back to his own time. Seeing as this is not the last episode, we kinda doubt it.

To be honest, this season got off to a bit of a slow start. But things are cookin’ with gas now that we’re tying in plot threads from season one and Patty has someone — Walter Kendrick — to sink her teeth into. Tonight, Patty wages a war against Kendrick in the modern-day equivalent of Thunderdome: The media!

What horrible sin did Justin Bruening commit to go from the mess that is ALL MY CHILDREN to the mess that is this show? These are the things that I ponder late at night. Meanwhile, ONE TREE HILL alum Maria Menounos (she was Keith’s almost-bride, Julie) guest stars as a DEA agent who arrests our hero following a fake plane crash and a real kidnapping.

Parting is such sad, sweet sorrow. Unless, of course, you embalm your victims so you can hang out with them a little longer. In that case, well, don’t be surprised if you find out the hard way that the old axiom about houseguests being like fish in that they both start to stink after a couple days is true.

The lead singer of a heavy metal band suffocates. Why does my first thought go to “hairball?”

TOP CHEF (10PM Bravo)
You know it’s getting close to the end of the season when you get two celebrity (in foodie circles, anyway) judges. This is the last episode before the finale begins unspooling, so place your bets. And if you’re betting against Stefan, I have a poker game I’d like to invite you to.

You know, the mobsters on this show — meaning just about every male and half the females — could really solve a lot of their problems if they simply, you know, killed their enemies. Anthony should have had a bullet in his brain ages ago, but instead, he gets yet another chance to slip away from Sonny and Jason tonight. Meanwhile, can anyone tell us what these mobsters actually, you know, do to make their money? We know Sonny doesn’t get involved with drugs or prostitution. So, um, what exactly is his racquet?

  • bws

    Let’s just rename it Top Stefan and move on. The battle for second place continues to rage however!

    I can’t wait for LOST to give me the willies tonight!

  • tim w. in tx

    i’m anxiously awaiting to get ‘lost’. lol as for gh, i thought sonny did ‘coffee beans” ala ‘cocaine.’ just a guess.

  • blueberry

    Someone take away my TV Addict members card because I chose to watch both hours of American Idol over the one hour of prime rib Lost.

  • ct

    blueberry: Never fear, you’re card is safe. At least until you confess that your favorite hour of television is BAD GIRLS CLUB. Then we might have to put you on probation.