If We Ran Entertainment Weekly

First a disclosure.

Not only is Entertainment Weekly this TV Addict’s bible. It is also partially to blame for what some might call an unhealthy obsession with television.

That said, as a lifelong subscriber who used to go as far as to buy an issue on the newsstand when we couldn’t wait for it to arrive in our mailbox, we feel it’s well within our right to point out how disappointed we are with regards to this week’s cover story.

An exclusive look at the Twilight Directors’ Diaries. Seriously.

Putting aside the fact that Twilight, both the movie and books are some of the most overrated pieces of pop culture trash to hit the scene since HEROES. There is simply no excuse for Entertainment Weekly to subject their loyal readers to a fourth Twilight cover in almost as many months. Even if it sells magazines.

Which is why we took it upon ourself to design what we think this week’s cover of Entertainment Weekly should have looked like. Because (and this might come as a shock) it turns out that there are other ways to sell magazines that don’t involve Robert Pattinson’s smoldering good looks.

It’s called journalism. Look it up.

Oh, and just to illustrate that ‘Marketing 101′ isn’t completely lost on us, we’ve been sure to include a really hot actress on the cover, multiple Twilight references and an Ausiello shout- out to soothe his enormous ego.

You know you love me,

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  • http://www.givememyremote.com GMMR

    Well done. It’s so true. I love EW as well but I read it for the movie news since there isn’t much in the way of TV news that I can’t get online. EW.com is better than the mag for TV news. The Twilight stuff is out of control. Shocked that you called out Ausiello…LOL.

  • Vic

    LOL, that was definitely more my kind of fun than most stuff that’s in my Reader.

    I’d probably go with Beastwizard for the cover (he materialized this week), just so it’s not always the girls and boys who look like them.

  • Nick

    Jonas Brothers! Where are the Jonas Brothers?!

  • http://www.heroestelevision.com/ Matej

    Lol, well done :) Although I think that Twilight is pretty interesting (book), I need to dislike it in some way because it’s overhyped and badly written …

  • http://chucktv.net Mel

    Ha! Love it!

    And can I just say how much EW’s real cover is cracking me up? Poor Kristin Stewart, she’s going to need surgery to get Pattinson’s hair out of her eye.

  • Ace

    No matter your thoughts on Twilight (having been a tween girl once, I get the appeal…hot guy w/ a cheesy romance story…what else do tweens want??), you can’t deny that Rob and Kristen are attractive. So, what I really don’t get about the actual EW cover is that they picked an insanely unflattering picture of the two of them. I just wonder how the meeting to pick the cover picture went down. “Ooooo let’s pick this one, they both look stoned! Perfect for the tween readers that will be grabbing this from the shelves!”

  • TVFan

    Spot on TVA,

    Even as someone who has read all four books, the amount of Twilight coverage both online and in print is insane. It’s Titanic all over again!

  • bws

    Ace, RP always looks stoned. It’s part of his appeal.

    TVA, look at you taking on big media! Nice! Personally, they could have gone with an Oscar Preview issue, right? Make it all about 2008s best movies? I guess they decided to do a recap Oscar cover with Slumdog instead. Fair enough.

    Oh, I would have added Summer Glau to your cover, too. After all the promos they filmed together for FOX, it just makes sense.

    Getting a dig in on Ausiello was great. I’m actually getting tired of his schtick.

  • http://www.thetvaddict.com theTVaddict

    GMMR, BWS: Just to clarify, I only take shots because as you know, a job at EW is on my bucket list :)

    Matej, Ace: For the record, I’ve read all the books and while I think they’re trash and not even in the same stratosphere as Harry Potter, they were somewhat addictive and akin to eating Pringles in the sense that once you start, you can’t stop!

  • http://twitter.com/tweevee Tim G.

    Oooh, burn! Very true. I sighed when I opened the mailbox and saw that stupid cover. Once it’s out on DVD, I’m sure there will be another cover of the two of them.

  • bws

    I haven’t read the Twilight books. My wife has and said they were “average” with #2 being well below average. But they were compelling enough reads to finish all four in two weeks. But I did see the movie! And it made me cringe at how bad it was.

  • Ace

    bws — You make a good point. I think it is his squinty eyes.

    And TVAddict…I have read them too. LIke you said, they are fluff. They made perfect beach reading :-P. I read a lot, so every once in a while you have to mix in something that is just fun to read. It is the literary equivalent of cleansing your pallet :-).

  • bws

    The real question is whether RP is dreamier with long hair or short hair. I’ll leave that question to the TVA female readership. :)

    Yes, we only take shots at the ones we love! Watch out Ausiello! The TV Addict is coming for YOU!

  • http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com Vance

    Hilarious. Seriously. When I saw the cover this weekend I yelled out. AGAIN?

  • e


  • Dan Clarendon

    Excellent work. Truly excellent.

  • tim w. in tx

    Another twilight cover? Jeez, hoping tweens use thier allowance to buy said pic and post it on their wall? lol as for ausiello, he’s acting like the liz adams of entertainment. lol

  • cabri

    Frak, I want to read that special report!

  • http://www.nataliedamschroder.com Natalie J. Damschroder

    While I had similar thoughts seeing the Twilight cover, I’m far more irritated at all the frakkin’ Oscar coverage! It’s been neverending for MONTHS, and I’m sorry, if I wasn’t going to see those movies three months ago, I’m not going to go see them now. Let’s have some coverage of new and upcoming stuff instead of continually rehashing the past!

  • Theo

    I starting buying EW in the Summer and my 1st issue was a Twilight one, and I think i have seen 4/5 Twilight cover since then….way too much!

  • ewanspotter

    I filled out a survey for EW just last week and said the exact same thing. At the time of writing, out of the last 20 covers, there have been like 7 covers with either full-Twilight coverage or a coverline/photo.

    And then the next day I received the new cover in the mail. *headdesk*

    I understand they need to make money, so they run them to get the fangirls to buy. But enough is enough. You know it’s bad when they downgraded Meryl “I’ve-Been-Nominated-For-15-Oscars, How-Many-Do-You-Have?” Streep to subscriber-only status for RPatz a few weeks back. I’ve been a loyal reader for years and I’m absolutely fed up with it.

    I never though I’d miss the days they were pimping Gossip Girl and Grey’s.

  • tim

    EW’s IQ has dropped about 50 points in recent years. It used to be a very smart magazine, now it’s just run of the mill. The recent layoffs hurt, bad. Losing Jennifer Reese as their chief book critic hurt, though I see she is back reviewing books for them again.

  • ewanspotter

    Jennifer Reese got canned?

  • Nick.C.

    Man you guys are such BS!!!How many times have you all done a story on Terminator?That show sucks and how much did it help your site?Im going to say Zero….EW knows they have to sell Mags and they know how to do it..

    Who cares whats on the cover!It’s whats inside that counts,didn’t your mother ever tell you that?

  • Dane

    Ugh. I agree. Twatlight gets way too much press. But I disagree with Ace, reading them is not like cleansing your pallet, it is like undergoing a transorbital lobotomy.

  • jo

    The thing is your cover would bore the pants off me. Give me Pattinson on the cover any day.

  • holly

    This is such a sexist article. If EW had Batman/Watchmen on their cover for a few weeks or Chris Nolan’s diaries featured within the mag you’d be orgasmic. Twilight is a franchise primarily focused on women and its about time we had one to enjoy.

  • EWLover

    I am SO glad other people feel the same way! I used to be obsessed with EW and was a subscriber at one point. Now as everyone said EW.com far surpasses the pathetic pamphlets they call issues. As an oscar fanatic I do not mind the coverage and in fact am extremely disappointed that the cover wasn’t dedicated to predications instead of twilight UGH. It couldn’t be more obvious that they are desperate to sell magazines. Pathetic.

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  • Sarah Jane

    It is a sad frakking world we live in where Twilight must be mentioned to peak an individual’s interest.

  • http://roberiepink.wordpress.com Wilda Sprow

    : D