To borrow a line from 2007’s Tony® Award Winning Best Musical Spring Awakening, last night’s 63rd Annual Tony Awards were, “Totally F*cked.” Which is why this TV Addict thought he’d take the opportunity to vent after a weekend of blogging downtime courtesy of the server company from hell to
rip the Tony’s a new one humbly suggest five suggestions that the Tony’s might wish to consider taking into account for next year.
Step #1 – Hire competent people: From the opening number that wasn’t quite audible (kind of a big deal, wouldn’t you say?) to being the one telecast of the year that now holds the distinction of having made the Tony Award Winning Billy Elliot look unwatchable, last night’s award ceremony was a technical train-wreck from beginning to end. Which is kind of a curious considering that the ceremony takes place in New York City, where you’d think, CBS might have been able to scrounge together a technical staff of behind-the-scenes experts to ensure the telecast didn’t look and sound like it was shot from ‘the team’ that did PS 142’s High School production of A Chorus Line.
Step #2 – Mandate interesting speeches: You know the only thing that is less interesting to the average television viewer than watching some guy you’ve never heard of (say, Matthew Warchus) win a Tony for Best Direction of a Play that you’ve never seen (God of Carnage)? Having to listen to him thank an entire team of people that mean absolutely nothing to anyone outside of Radio City Musical Hall and/or TalkinBroadway (The web’s preeminent theater discussion message board.) Which is why we’d like to see the Tony Award Winners save their thank-you’s for off-camera and plead with them to use their fifteen-to-twenty seconds of fame to deliver an interesting and inspiring arts related message that won’t have viewers reaching for the fast-forward button.
Step #3 – You hired a host, why not use him?: As much as Neil Patrick Harris is into magic, we really didn’t expect a disappearing act during the show he was supposed to host. Seriously, what was the point of hiring the multi-talented (some might say, legendary) NPH if he’s going to be M.I.A. for the majority of the show, only to save his
most only memorable moment just in time for the credits to role? (See: Video above)
Step #4 – Scrap the best play clips: Plays by their very definition are meant to enjoyed within the intimate confines of a dark theater. Heck, if they worked on TV, they’d be television shows! So rather than continue the inexplicable and ineffective tradition of airing pointless clips that (newsflash!) do not shine a positive light on the Tony nominated productions, why not scrap them entirely and do something you know, entertaining. Invite the nominated cast members up for a little “paper bag dramatics” or if that’s too theatrical, fun and risky for CBS, at the very least give us more time for Neil Patrick Harris (See: Our previous point)
Step #5 – Show less depressing ads: Since the Tony Awards are the SuperBowl equivalent for the geriatric set, we’re the first to admit that this is probably not going to happen. That said, it would be nice for CBS to recognize that not every Tony viewer is over sixty-five and suffering from a multitude of health problems. In fact, the only thing more depressing than the unwatchable Shrek’s multitude of Tony noms was the fact that the never-ending stream of ads offering to help viewers lower their cholesterol put a damper on this TV Addict’s traditional award show meal of Popeye’s Chicken Strips!