7:58PM: Who’se excited for the endless barrage of CBS promos?
8:03PM: It only took 3 minutes for the first shot at Paula Abdul’s expense. Kanye, you’re next…
8:06PM: Neil Patrick Harris says his job is to keep things running smoothly, “Here’s hoping Kanye West likes 30 ROCK.” Zing!
8:09PM: Disproportionate amount of CBS shows in the ‘Comedy Year in Review’ montage. TWO AND A HALF MEN still not funny.
8:11PM: First shocker of the night, Kristin Chenoweth wins for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy. “I’m unemployed now so I’d like to be on MAD MEN, THE OFFICE and 24” Yeah we couldn’t love Chenoweth anymore. “Thank you so much tot he academy for recognizing a show that’s no longer on the air.” FYI: You can see Chenoweth on an upcoming episode of GLEE.
8:20PM: Good News: The cast of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER presents the award for outstanding writing in a comedy series. Bad News: HIMYM wasn’t nominated. 30 ROCK writer Matt Hubbard wins an Emmy for “Reunion.”
8:26PM: Amy Poehler was right, an EMMY can be bought. Jon Cryer wins for ‘Outstanding’ Supporting Actor in a Comedy. #FML
8:30PM: Seriously. Jon Cryer… where’s Kanye when you need him?
8:36PM: Sarah Silverman wins our vote for funniest loser reaction. Tina Fey wins for most believable fake applause and Toni Collette just wins for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy.
8:41PM: GOSSIP GIRL’s Blake Lively (looking awesome) and Leighton Meester (wearing towels from what we believe is the 2010 Bed Bath & Beyond Collection) arrive on stage to re-present awards that Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake already won last week. THE OFFICE’s Jeffrey Blitz wins an Emmy for Best Direction of a Comedy
8:48PM: It’s official: Rob Lowe doesn’t age… and it turns out doesn’t know how to pick roles, choosing the lead in the short-lived DR. VEGAS over what we presume to be the McDreamy role in GREY’S ANATOMY. Alec Baldwin wins a much deserved Best Actor in a Comedy Emmy for 30 ROCK and jokes, “I’d trade this to look like him [Rob Lowe]” As for THE BIG BANG THEORY’s Jim Parsons, there’s always next year (or when Alec Baldwin retires.)
8:53PM: The FAMILY GUY interstitial would have been waaaaay funnier had it not been online for a month now. We’re just sayin’
8:58PM: The only thing that can make the “Reality Segment’ more irksome is the presenting duo of Jon Cryer and Hayden Panettiere. That said, Emmy winner Jeff Probst (for Outstanding Reality TV host) gets serious points with me for his Emmy winning shout-out, “Neil Patrick Harris this is how you host the Emmys.” Amen brother.
9:06PM: Yay or Nay… Tracy Morgan is highly medicated? The team from THE AMAZING RACE does not race up to the stage to accept yet another Emmy for Outstanding Reality Competition Program.
9:08PM: According to the Emmy ticker, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Patricia Arquette are presenting in 8 minutes… Schedule your bathroom breaks accordingly.
9:13PM: The classy and beautiful Shohreh Aghdashloo wins an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie. While the equally classy and slightly less beautiful Ken Howard wins for Grey Gardens.
9:22PM: Brendan Gleeson wins an Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie for INTO THE STORM, delivering and elegant speech that yet again proves how much smarter people with accents sound.
9:26PM: People from LITTLE DORRIT win stuff.
9:31PM: “Like the Ottoman Empire, the Music Industry and Zima, we’re here to stay.” Captain Hammer on the sad state of the television industry during a hilarious DR. HORRIBLE interstitial. By the way, that noise you just heard were 10 million television viewers scratching there head and saying “What’s a Dr. Horrible?”
9:34PM: Jessica Lange wins an Emmy for Best Actress in a Miniseries and Movie for GREY GARDENS. Her plastic surgeon, not so much.
9:44PM: GREY GARDENS wins an Emmy for Best Television Movie. LITTLE DORRIT wins for Best Television Miniseries. Allison Janney look-a-like Anne Pivcevic accepts the award.
9:48PM: Jim Parsons proves that he really is acting like a super huge nerd on THE BIG BANG THEORY by completely botching his lines while presenting the Best Directing Variety, Music or Comedy Series Emmy to Bruce Gowers for AMERICAN IDOL.
9:55PM: THE DAILY SHOW may have won for Best Writing in a Variety/Comedy Show, but
THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O’BRIEN LATE NITE WITH CONAN O’BRIEN gets my vote for funniest nominating package.
10:02PM: An Original Music and Lyrics Emmy goes to the 81st Annual Academy Awards. Meanwhile on the Emmy ticker… it’s 11 minutes to the death montage.
10:08PM: Yet again, Ricky Gervais nails his audition as future Emmy/Oscar/Grammy/Golden Globe etc… THE DAILY SHOW wins a much deserved Emmy for Best Comedy/Variety Show.
10:18PM: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA fans will have to settle for a five second clip in the “Year in Drama” montage. Who needs an Emmy really?
10:20PM: Emmy Shockers: Almost making up for Neil Patrick Harris’ Emmy loss is Michael Emerson who wins a Best Supporting Actor Nod for his incredible work on LOST. While Cherry Jones wins for 24.
10:29PM: Oops, the In Memoriam forgot GUIDING LIGHT. And on a more serious note, @chiefisgreat gets extra credit for correctly pointing out that CBS didn’t include Billy Mays.
10:37PM: [A very pompous] Matthew Weiner and Kater Gordon begin what we suspect will be a string of MAD MEN wins, picking up Outstanding Writing in a Drama for MAD MEN.
10:41PM: Glenn Close walks away with a Outstanding Actress in a Drama for DAMAGES. So much for the MAD MEN streak. Sorry Elisabeth Moss.
10:49PM: Bryan Cranston wins a second consecutive Outstanding Actor in a Drama Emmy for his work in BREAKING BAD. So yeah, I probably should start watching his show.
10:52PM: As expected, 30 ROCK wins an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series. Tina Fey thanks the proverbial powers that be for keeping the show on the air even though it’s so much more expensive than a talk show. Hear! Hear!
11:01PM: MAD MEN wins for Outstanding Drama Series. Neil Patrick Harris wins for Outstanding Emmy Host.