Kids, today’s lesson is how to do what we once believed was impossible… deliver an unfunny episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.
Step #1: Develop a completely implausible and predictable storyline that has Barney brushing up on Robin Scherbatsky 101 with a little help from self-proclaimed expert, Professor Ted. Really? Barney really needs to be taught that ‘Gun Maintenance,’ ‘Hockey,’ and ‘Emperor Penguins,’ are three subjects that can easily distract her? I mean you’d think that three years of friendship and one year of borderline stalking would have already filled him in on those obvious nuggets (Admittedly, the whole penguin thing was bit out of left field, but I digress.)
Step #2: Provide Lilly and Marshall with an utterly pointless ‘B’ story and in the process rob HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER of one of its most delightful gifts: Its uncanny ability to generate big laughs by putting an imaginative and unique spin on the everyday (See: the episodes one redeeming quality, the Dead Poets Society reference. Which let’s face it, never gets old.) Unfortunately, Marshall’s wide-eyed amazement over the ‘Bermuda Triangle’ that was the stoop outside of his apartment wasn’t one of those quirky spins on the everyday. As any apartment dweller in the history of tenants will tell you, if you put something outside, it’s going to be taken away. Heck, in my old haunt, stuff literally disappeared before I made it up the elevator to look outside.
Step #3: Screw up your Stanley Cup history. Seriously. Blaming “Captain Canuck” Trevor Linden for the Vancouver Canucks 1994 Stanley Cup Loss: Watchatalkingaboutwillis! There is absolutely nothing wrong with leading your team to an electric game-seven showdown (and subsequent 3-2 loss) against the unstoppable force that was Mark Messier and his New York Rangers. We’re just sayin’