The ABC’s of November Sweeps (Literally!)

November Sweeps has arrived, and with it, guest stars galore, ratings stunts and more. All of which you’ll find details to in our first ever A to Z guide.

A IS FOR AMANDA, last name Woodward, the scheming fan favorite who will be making her much anticipated return to MELROSE PLACE on November 17.

B IS FOR BANKS, as in Elizabeth Banks, the actress who continues to live up to her reputation as one of the coolest gals in Hollywood by agreeing to guest star on the November 18 episode of MODERN FAMILY playing a beleaguered best friend to Cameron and Mitchell who feels her friendship has taken a back-seat to Baby Lily. Cue hilarity in 3.. 2… 1..

C IS FOR CBS, who in an effort to CURB the ratings slide of CSI, the once unstoppable CORNERSTONE of the network’s Thursday night lineup, is sending Laurence Fishburne on a journey that will take him to Miami (November 11), New York (November 11) and Las Vegas (November 12) in search of a missing (and big ratings!)

D IS FOR D’OH! Also known as the reaction DOLLHOUSE fans made upon discovering that their little-series-that-could won’t be returning to the airwaves until December.

E IS FOR EVE, the rapper/actress hyphenate who will lend her pipes, and we imagine a song or two to the November 25 episode of GLEE.

F IS FOR FRY, as in British thespian Stephen Fry, who returns to BONES on November 12. Hopefully to clear up the mystery as to why Booth and Brennan aren’t together!

G IS FOR GALLAGHER, as in the spawn of Camden, 7TH HEAVEN’s David Gallagher, who after quite the hiatus, returns to TV as one half of “The Wonder Twins” on SMALLVILLE’s November 13 episode. Meanwhile Mackenzie Rosman continues to wait by the phone. Awkward.

H IS FOR HOLMES, Sherlock Holmes, the Warner Bros movie that has graciously stepped in to sponsor FAMILY GUY PRESENTS SETH AND ALEX’S ALMOST LIVE COMEDY SHOW in lieu of Microsoft, who dropped out over content concerns.

I IS FOR IGNORANCE IS BLISS, the title of the November 23 episode of HOUSE, which rumour has it, spells the beginning of the end for one Dr. Allison Cameron at Princeton Plainsboro.

J IS FOR JOR-El, Clark Kent’s bio dad who lands in SMALLVILLE on November 6.

K IS FOR KEVIN, as in Kevin McHale, who in the November 11th episode of GLEE entitled “Wheels,” will finally get his moment to defy gravity shine.

L IS FOR LADY GAGA, the headline-grabbing artist who drops by the Upper East Side on the November 16 episode of GOSSIP GIRL.

M IS FOR A MULTITUDE OF WORDS, including MAD MEN’s Elisabeth MOSS who drops by MERCY on November 4 playing a MOM stricken with cancer.

NINE IS FOR NINE OH TWO ONE OH-OH, thanks to the November 17 episode entitled “To Thine Own Self Be True) which features a death in the zip code.

O IS FOR THE OBSERVER, FRINGE’s very-own mystery wrapped in a enigma wrapped in a riddle, who will be the focus of the November 19th episode.

P IS FOR PRISONER, the miniseries that AMC hopes will keep you prisoner in front of your TV starting November 15.

Q IS FOR QUAGMIRE, the FAMILY GUY favorite who may have to grow up a little bit come November 15 when he assumes responsibility for a baby Peter finds who looks just like him.

R IS FOR RAVER, as in Kim Raver, who plays Seattle Grace’s newest defence against the dark arts teacher Cardiothoracic Surgeon who may-or-may-not get in between Christina and Own. Paging 3cc’s of angry shippers STAT!

S IS FOR SHAMELESS, as in the shameless plug we’re about to give to our November Sweeps 2009 Calendar, which you can print and download here.

T IS FOR TAYLOR, as in Taylor Swift (November 7), the talented artist who alongside January Jones (November 14) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (November 21) will have the arduous task of making SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE watchable again.

U IS FOR UGLY, which is the only word to describe UGLY BETTY’s ratings since ABC seems to have all but given up on this once popular (and if you ask us, still funny) series.

V IS FOR THE VISITORS, who are returning (completely with an all-star cast that includes Elizabeth Mitchell, Scott Wolf, Alan Tudyk, Moerena Baccarin and Morris Chestnut) to ABC in a fantastic sci-fi re-boot on November 3.

W IS FOR WANDA, as in Wanda Sykes, the hostess with (we hope) the most-ess, who will be bringing her unique and hilarious brand of humour to FOX late-night starting November 7th.

X IS FOR… see “Y”

Y IS FOR YOU, who we’re hoping can help us find something interesting for the letter ‘X’. Seriously, we got nothing and this ‘alphabet thing’ wasn’t nearly as easy as we made it look.

Z IS FOR ZERO, which amounts to the exact number of episodes of CBS’ gruesome procedural CRIMINAL MINDS we’ve been able to sit through. A show which incidentally will be celebrating its 100th episode on November 25.

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  • Nick

    X is for Xcellent idea…..wish I’d thought of it! 🙂

  • Ace

    Haha, nice, Nick. X could also be Xcited for sweeps!

  • shara says

    X is for X-Files alum David Duchovny, whose attempts to balance family, teaching, and multiple women are sure to result in hilariaty in the November episodes of Californication.

  • S is for Southland, which just got picked up by TNT! Sure, that’s not sweeps, but it sure is notable!

  • Raked,

    While I applaud SOUTHLAND’s gritty realism and remain happy for fans of the show, I got to tell you, it was not my cup of tea. Way too much of a downer.

  • Jenny

    Y is for YOUR MOM

    How I Met Your Mother is on fire this season! 😀

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