Christine Temetri is the kinda gal the Winchester brothers would definitely do battle over. She’s sexy, funny and, perhaps best of all, she knows a whole lot about angels, demons and that whole nasty Apocalypse thing they’re currently trying to stave off. So while we may have to wait until Thursday, January 21, for SUPERNATURAL’s return to the CW, fans jonesin’ for a mix of witty banter and End Times action can head over to Amazon and check out Robert Kroese’s hysterically funny novel, Mercury Falls.
In a nutshell, the story follows our intrepid heroine/reporter, Christine, as she goes from yawning her way through yet another story about a religious group’s belief that the end is near to being thrust into the middle of the honest-to-you-know-who Apocalypse. Next think you know, she’s dealing with a quip-happy, ping-pong playing angel named Mercury who may or may not be trying to avert the end of the world as she knows it. Did we mention that she has to prevent the anti-Christ – better known as Karl, a film-school drop-out and part-time pizza delivery guy – from literally biting the bullet in order to play into the hands of those in charge of the spam? (No, not the meat product or the kind clogging up your E-mail, but rather the Schedule of Plagues, Announcements and Miracles.)
Along the way, the reader will encounter fashion tips (“No one wears a jumpsuit unless they’ve been instructed to by someone wearing a tie.”) and life lessons (“There’s something to be said for covering spectacular failures… covering an endless series of Mild Disappointments, on the other hand, [is] just demoralizing.”), not to mention enough plot twists to fill a season of SUPERNATURAL episodes and an explanation as to why one should never put carpeting in their breakfast nook.
And whatever you do, don’t stand on the linoleum. Trust us.