With all due respect to the creative team behind SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND, we’re fairly confident that there are only two reasons why viewers are going to tune into the series: Sex and violence. With that in mind, this TV Addict thought that rather than spend hours crafting a review on the historical accuracy and cultural relevancy of Starz latest foray into scripted fare, we would proudly present SPARTACUS: By the Numbers, a practical guide to the actual amounts of sex and violence this gory action-packed series has to offer.
2: The number of minutes it took for the series to introduce two battered and bruised Gladiators embroiled in a very bloody fight to the death, reinforcing the show’s status as the small screen equivalent of 300 on a television budget.
6: The number of minutes until this TV Addict was forced to close his living room shutters for fear that our house would be burdened with the dubious distinction of being the only one on the block to view graphic porn during the middle of the day as SPARTACUS offered up its first of what would turn out to be many gratuitous sex scenes.
1.5: The number of heads decapitated. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the half a point represents the second head, which let’s just say was left holding on by a thread! Seriously Gladiators, if the SPARTACUS series premiere taught us anything, it’s this: If you’re going to decapitate an opponent, at least have the courtesy of using an ax over a sword. It’s far more effective.
2: The number of legs sliced off.
4: The number of boobies shown. And yes, we’re pretty sure this is the first time the word “boobies” has been written on theTVaddict.com. Thank you very much Starz.
3: The total number of very graphic sex scenes in the SPARTACUS series premiere. That said, I know what you’re thinking, “But TV Addict, shouldn’t three sex scenes account for at least six boobies!?” Well, not if two of the scenes involve the same woman!
0: Since “Shirtless guy” and “Naked girl” don’t exactly qualify, “0” is the number of actual character names we recall following a weekend spent screening the show’s first two episodes. A fact that probably doesn’t bode well for the series as a whole. We’re just sayin’
SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND airs Friday nights at 10PM on Starz (Mondays at 9PM on TMN in Canada)