During last night’s episode of THE BACHELOR, Jake went on a date with two women, both of whom knew that one of them would wind up being dumped. What neither could have imagined was that he would send both packing (literally) and then, in a wildly dramatic (read: scripted) moment take the rose that one of them was supposed to be given and toss it into a fire with the solemnity one might expect to accompany the spreading of a loved ones ashes. (Appropriately enough, we then saw the remaining women crying as if someone had just told them that a person, and not just their dignity, had been murdered.) Yes, kids, it’s official: This season of THE BACHELOR has less to do with the “search for love” than any previous cycle and is, in fact, nothing but a ridiculous attempt to keep viewers tuning in by creating drama where none actually exists. (Further evidence was presented by Jake himself, who said in his best “damnit, I’ll make you people watch if it kills me” voice, “This is the first of many decisions that I’m going to make that no one is going to understand. It’s only going to get worse.”) Sure enough, at the final rose ceremony, Jake asked to send an extra woman home before keeping the most controversial gal in the running. (That sound you heard? Producers having the best orgasms of their lives.) With all that in mind, we present, without further ado, the five dumbest lines uttered by the women who are openly called “contestants” but somehow have forgotten it’s a game, and one they can’t win to boot.
“I am ready to get my relationship with Jake rolling down the highway of love.” — Ella, as the “ladies” find out that they are moving out of the house and spending the rest of the season traveling down the Pacific Coast Highway in giant RV’s.
“I’m excited to see Jake on this group date, but I’m not very excited to go on a group date. Because I feel like Jake’s my boyfriend. I don’t these other girls with us!” — Vienna. Honey, you do understand the concept of this show, right?
“I really thought I had the rose. I mean, did anyone see that coming at all?” — Kathryn, not realizing that she was
“If he doesn’t make the right decision, then God help him, because he’s going to need it.” — booted contestant Ella, apparently unaware of the fact that despite what ABC would like everyone to believe, the woman Jake ultimately chooses has about as much of becoming his wife as winners of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL have of becoming, um, you know… top models.
“The person who is a liar and deciver is staying. So it sucks. Really? I go home before Vienna? Are you (expletive) kidding me? Please. Spare me.” — Ashleigh, finally realizing that there’s no room for actual reality on so-called reality television.
Photo Credit: Greg Zabilski/ABC