Dear Execs In Charge,
We love TV. Really, we do. Heck, television is basically the altar upon which we sacrifice a huge portion of our lives. And sometimes, you guys actually make it worth our while. You renew good stuff (BIG LOVE, PARKS & RECREATION) and mercifully whisk away the bad…
Okay, so JERSEY SHORE and ‘TIL DEATH would seem to indicate you’ve kinda dropped the ball in that regard.
But here’s the thing: There comes a point in any relationship where you start to really look at the other party and say, “I love you… but do you feel the same way toward me? Are you willing to commit to me with the level of intensity which I am toward you?”
Sadly, more and more, I feel as if our love is a one-way street, on which you are driving a bus intent on running us down repeatedly. You let our favorite shows disappear for months on end and somehow think we’re buying this whole “mid-season finale” thing. But we’re not! We know it’s just a cheap ploy that you use as a way to get us excited about shows going away for an extended period of time. You come up with some lame-o cliffhanger to keep us on the edge of our seats until you’ve decided we’ve been punished long enough.
Well, maybe we’re the ones who’ve had enough?
And while we make time for you, every night, do you return the favor by making sure we have new episodes to watch? No! In fact, after spending years getting us hooked on season which offered up 30 or more episodes, you cut us off by saying, “You know what? We’re going to give you 13… and you’re gonna like it!” Hell, HBO, you’re giving us 9 measly episodes of BIG LOVE! You’ve made a big deal about renewing it for a 5th season, but you know what? Nine episodes ain’t a season! And if there’s a year in between, we expect more from you!
What was that? You did not just say “Let’s get real.”
We don’t want to get real! We’re tired of real. You can have the housewives of wherever and the vapid morons populating MTV. When reality television first started, it was innovative and at least attempted to be honest. It was more documentary than titillation. But of course, you love your reality, because it’s the programming equivalent of a ten-dollar hooker: cheap and easy.
But you know what? We’re not going to run out and buy THE BACHELOR on DVD and cherish it the way we do our ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT or THE WEST WING collection. So while you may be making a quick buck now, in the end, you’re cutting into your own revenue streams.
Unfortunately for us, you know we ain’t gonna walk away. You know there’s at least one television in just about every home in America, and at the end of a long day we’re going to plop ourselves in front of it rather than — God forbid — talk to our families or read a book.
So yeah, we love you. And we’re going to stand by you.
But would it kill y’all to return the love… just a little bit? MODERN FAMILY and DAMAGES are a good start. Sadly, summer’s coming, and the minute the temperatures star to soar you take all the good stuff and go into hiding like George’s genitals on the “shrinkage” episode of SEINFELD. Sure, you’ll offer up some “special summer programming” that will basically amount to four hours of bad (BIG BROTHER) for every hour of good (FOX’s Upcoming Bradley Whitford/Colin Hanks Project looks promising), but why not take a different approach this year? Why not spend the summer courting us… showin’ us not only some love, but some decent original programming?
If you do, we might just spend the night.
We’re just sayin’.
Your friends at theTVaddict.com