Today’s TV Addict Top 5: People Who Need to Get a Clue!

Lisa Kudrow
As much as we love the former FRIENDS star, hearing Kudrow say that her new reality offering — WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE — represents NBC “getting back to basics and putting on quality programming” made us throw up in the back of our throats a little bit. Lisa, ABC’s MODERN FAMILY and THE MIDDLE are quality programming. Watching your high-profile pals trace their lineage may not be as bad as THE BACHELOR, but it’s not exactly MASTERPIECE THEATER, either.

Sarah Palin
Look, lady, you put your family in the public spotlight when you threw yourself into politics. And you’re still doing it today. When asked your reaction to the FAMILY GUY episode which you found so offensive, you used not your own words, but those of daughter Bristol! And not for nothing, but you’ve politicized the issue for weeks now by calling for Rahm Emanuel’s resignation for using the word “retarted” and yet, when that same word was used repeatedly by your pal Rush Limbaugh, you managed to shrug and call it “satire.” As FAMILY GUY also delves in satire, why’s one acceptable and the other not? (Frankly, it looks as if you don’t know the meaning of the word… just sayin’.)

Charlie Sheen
A rep for the troubled actor tells Us Magazine‘s website that no one has told Sheen he needs to go to rehab. For the record, Mr. Sheen, we’ll gladly suggest a stint in rehab… and perhaps swinging by a few anger management sessions as well.

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Apparently following in the steps of Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino, the JERSEY SHORE denizen is looking to trademark her name… for the express purposes of live appearances and “printed matter, namely books.” Honey, let’s be honest: We don’t think you can read, let alone write!

CW Network Executives
Earlier this week, the network renewed GOSSIP GIRL, stunning many people who assumed the show was no longer even in production thanks to its repeats airing in a seemingly-endless loop. How about we strike a deal? If you promise to run at least 10 episodes in a row next season, we promise to watch. Maybe not live, but we’ll at least DVR them. (Hey, we need to have the option of fast-forwarding through whatever lame storyline y’all dream up next for Serena if you don’t want us to fall asleep!)

  • bws

    I cannot make that promise regarding Gossip Girl as I’ve decided to kick it to the curb during this hiatus. What could have been a great reboot this season with the gang going to college in NYC has caused me to tune out. The wit just isn’t as sharp as it once was.

  • I don’t even have words for how brilliant this post was. Daniel, well f-ing done. I agree with every one of your points, especially on Palin and Gossip Girl. Hats off.

  • We all need a little Gossip Girl in our lives…how else would we consider fashion to be worth it or not? lol

  • Tim WIlkins

    Damn, that was a great post Daniel.

    As for Palin, could not agree more. I missed the ep, but I’ve ‘seen’ the press. That’s all she wanted. lol Press.

  • Once again, top notch. Hitting the mark with every point. The Palin one is the best, probably because no matter what stupid sh*t she says, the tea party still LOVE her. Unbelievable.

  • Ace

    It is a crime to waste Lisa’s comedic timing on a silly reality show (are you listening, Jerry, b/c I’m talking about you too).

    As for Palin, the best thing the media could do at this point is just ignore her existence completely. And we would all be better for it. Actually, we would all be better if someone invented the time machine and convinced McCain to go with someone who wasn’t an idiot, but that’s just wishful thinking.

  • Josh Emerson

    Great post, especially #s 1 and 2. I would point out that NBC already airs a large amount of quality programming that is a lot better than that reality show could ever be. Chuck, 30 Rock, Community, The Office, anyone?

    Palin’s double/triple/quadruple standards are as ridiculous as she is.

  • Jennie

    Love Love Love this post. Esp. the Palin one. Good God woman, did you seriously never see how they made fun of Bush?? How could you come out looking (well, sounding) even DUMBER??? How is that possible??? And how does her party not do some DAMAGE CONTROL ON HER MOUTH????

    And ACE: when you get that time machine, go 10 years earlier and leak some of the idiot things that Bush has said onto the net before he gets elected, too.