Today’s TV Addict Top 5: Networks In Desperate Need Of A Name Change

There’s been a lot of talk amongst TV lovers who think that COUGAR TOWN, having developed into a show that is far more than it’s title implies, is in need of a new name. But why stop with the changing of a show name? Why not address a bigger problem that exists out there… namely, that some networks are suffering from multiple-personality disorder thanks to their genre-specific names having nothing to do with the programming their pushing! With that in mind, we offer up five networks in need of some rebranding!

Over the past few years, this channel has been doing everything in its power to distance itself from daytime dramas. They’ve run and rerun episodes of ONE TREE HILL and GILMORE GIRLS into the ground, and Sunday nights — when they should be helping fans catch up with their soaps in preparation for Monday — the channel instead runs movies. And not just movies, but bad ones with little or no soap connection!

Fox News Channel
In a recent Forbes article, Glenn Beck — one of the most popular (and insane) personalities on the supposed news network admitted he didn’t give “a flying crap” about the political process he slams on a nightly basis and admitted he is part of “an entertainment company.” Throw in right-wingers Sarah Palin, Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity (because, let’s face it, nobody watches this network when these stars of the conservative/teabag movement aren’t on) and the network is many things, but one it is not is a “news” organization.

You’d probably never guess it based on their programming, but TLC is supposed to stand for The Learning Channel. But what, exactly, are we supposed to be learning from ADDICTED, which follows drug users, even showing them shooting up? (Oh, wait, guess I figured out what we’re supposed to learn…) The network’s other big hit is HOARDING, in which we learn there are two kinds of pack rats: Those who have a real problem, and those who just want someone to come in and clean up their crap. Both shows pretend to be about the healing process, yet they are clearly much more interested in the shock value. And what life-lessons do L.A. INK, FOUR WEDDINGS or LITTLE CHOCOLATIERS — about a married “little couple” who happen to run a chocolate shop — offer?

When I hear the word “bravo”, I think of a standing ovation. But would anybody really applaud the often-appalling actions of the “real” housewives from Orange County, New York, New Jersey and Atlanta who eat up a huge portion of this network’s slate? My problem with Bravo is that I have no idea what it’s supposed to be… aside from wildly appealing to gay men and people who like cat-fights.

Please, do we even have to explain this one? I suspect there’s an entire generation of viewers who couldn’t tell you what the “M” stands for.

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  • JM

    Actually, MTV changed its name a couple of weeks ago. It no longer stands fro Music Television, it is now just the letters with no meaning.

  • joshemerson

    I hate that Bravo is considered a “gay” network. I would never in a million years watch the junk they air. Do they still have that reputation because they basically got on the map due to Queer Eye years ago? I'd consider ABC much more of a gay network with Brothers & Sisters, Modern Family, and (RIP) Ugly Betty.

    You're right on the others though. Fox News = Fox Noise.

  • chels725

    Amen to the list.

  • Caitlyn

    Agree so much with every point–especially FOX News (coworker told me the other day that they are the only nonbiased news station. Oookay.) and MTV.

  • Ace

    Forget name change. I say move Top Chef to The Food Network and get rid of all 5 networks entirely.

  • TVA_CT

    Bravo actually has the reputation of being a “gay” network because it's programming draws a disproportionately large number of gay households. It's a market they've very successfully tapped into with their shows, including Top Chef, Top Design, Sheer Genius, etc.

  • joshemerson

    Are there actually facts out there that say this? Because personally it sounds like just stereotypes more than anything, but maybe I'm not a typical “gay household.”