The Most Gleeful Moment of the Week Goes to… : Well, oddly enough, not so much GLEE, but rather THE OFFICE, whose denizens of Dunder Mifflin Sabre serenaded Michael Scott with their own version of “Seasons of Love” in a fond farewell tribute.
The Why-Can’t-Art-Imitate-Life Award Goes To… : SUPERNATURAL, for their brilliant episode in which puckish angel Balthazar (the pitch-perfect Sebastian Roche, perhaps best known as GENERAL HOSPITAL uber-baddie Jerry Jax) prevented the Titanic from sinking because “I hated the movie.”
Biggest Tearjerker: Suffice to say, the only thing that would have us reaching for the Kleenex more than Tuesday’s phenomenal wrap-up to PARENTHOOD’s second season will be if NBC fails to reward it for a third.
Worst Played Race Card Ever: SURVIVOR’s Philip said, “Any time somebody of my color gets up in one of your faces, then you feel like I’m a lunatic, I’m crazy.” Um, no, dude, anytime a person who is a lunatic gets up in someone’s face, people think they’re crazy.
The Imitation-Is-The-Sincerest-Form-Of-Platently-Ripping-Something-Off Award Goes To…: Dairy Queen, whose latest ads owe a whole lot to the Old Spice dude. As in everything.
The Making-Millions-Out-Of-Lemons Award Goes To… : The Disney Channel, whose original movie LEMONADE MOUTH was the highest-rated TV-movie of 2011. Clueless as to what it is? Ask your kids.
Irony Alert: Charlie Sheen decided bipolar awareness was going to be his cause… at least for a few days.
Best PR Move: The folks at Hoover announced that they’d be pulling ads from ABC as a way of showing their solidarity with fans of canned soaps ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE.
Irony Alert (Runner-Up): How does 30 ROCK follow up Jack Donaghy’s hilarious monologue (Complete with examples from Alec Baldwin’s own up-and-down career) that was responsible for convincing Tracy Jordan that the only way to stop being taken seriously is to do (gasp!) Network Television? With a quick cut to this week’s guest star Michael Keaton. Ouch.
Guilty Pleasure Watch: Gay-centric network Logo earned two snaps and a “you go, girl!” by renewing RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE.
Best Soapy Moment On A Non-Traditional Soap: While daytime has seemingly lost the ability to let secrets percolate, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES waited several seasons to reveal that Andrew was the one who ran down Carlos’ mom… and that Gaby knew! Better still, the same episode dealt with the continuing fallout from Mary Beth’s suicide… which happened in the first episode back in 2004!
The I’m-Rubber-And-You’re-Glue Award Goes To… : Donald Trump, who insisted Jerry Seinfeld should be ashamed of himself for pulling out of a charity event (but making a hefty donation) rather than be associated with the tycoon’s continued beating of the birther drum. Trump told Seinfeld he should be “ashamed of himself”… and did so without an ounce of irony!
Best Decision: Sources reported that NBC news would be cutting back on Royal Wedding coverage, finally seeming to realize that the media is far more interested in the nuptials than viewers.
Best & Worst TV News About A Single City: On the plus side? TNT announced that Ray Krebs and Lucy Ewing — aka actors Steve Kanaly and Charlene Tilton — would appear on the DALLAS remake. Sadly, Logo revealed that they’d be doing a spin-off of the mortifyingly awful THE A-LIST (think THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF GAYVILLE) in that same location.
And the Weeks Most Literal Cliffhanger Goes To… : GAME OF THRONES, for ending their highly-anticipated series premiere by having Jaime “The KingSlayer” Lannister push young Bran off a cliff when the 10-year-old moppet inadvertently walks in on Jamie and twin sister Cersei doing something two family siblings most definitely should not be doing. Ewwwwww.