AMERICA’S GOT TALENT in Review: Atlanta Auditions

Auditions for America’s Got Talent kicked off in LA, where a variety of talent (and the non talented) did everything from juggling stun guns to erotic dancing [see the highlights here]. With sunny California behind them, Piers, Howie, Sharon and crew headed East to Atlanta for more hopefuls to impress judges or make fools of themselves. Let’s find out who did which, and make a few predictions as to which acts moving on will stand a chance.

Miami All Stars – Dance Group

What do you get when you cross 10 men, 10 women, three judges, and one stage? The answer: dancing chaos courtesy the Miami All Stars. I certainly enjoyed the fine view of all the relatively attractive mix of ladies, I’ve never been a huge fan of salsa music and dancing. Nonetheless, it was a spectacle that impressed all three judges. I’m typically wrong about dance groups, but with this many decent dancers on stage it once, they’ll be hard pressed not to impress at each outing.

My prediction: They’ll make it to the live shows, but I highly doubt a dance group will ever win the whole she-bang.

Scott Alexander – Magician

“I’m going to do the same levitation trick that has pleased crowds since dinosaur times. Only this time I’ll blast a hottie’s rear end with water to distract from the mediocrity.”

My prediction: If this is the best he’s got, he’ll be gone in Vegas.

Preston Weber – Fire Dancer

I’ll give 12 year old Preston props for not being the worst fire dancer I’ve seen, but he’s also not the best I’ve seen. Sharon has a soft spot for all the kiddie acts, so she was a yes, and both Piers and Howie both gave him a nod. While I agree a shot in Vegas is in order, I wouldn’t put money on him. Good for 12 doesn’t equal good enough to win.

My prediction: Cut in Vegas, but he’ll put in a good effort.

Yellow Designs Stunt Team – Stunt Bikers

These bicycle tricksters were putting on a fairly decent show from what I saw (not that I could tell with the damn camera cutting out to Sharon and the audience every 10 seconds). At some point in the routine, one of the bikers completely fell flat on his face (which when things like this happens Piers’ buzzer goes off almost immediately). However, the judges gave him a pass since his bike chain snapped unexpectedly. Based on what tricks I saw, it may have been the drama that got them the Vegas pass over their actual talent.

My prediction: Peddled out in Vegas

SH’ Boss Boys – Lil’ Rappers

Awwwwwwwww!  Lookie at the cutesy little boys rapping about wholesome topics in a totally gangsta way. Of course the judges are going to say yes. Duh!

Here’s my issue with so many of the kid acts. While these kids were mildly entertaining to watch, I didn’t feel their talent for rapping was all that good. The weren’t good dancers, were out of sync with each other, etc. So, they’ve made it through simply because they’re young and can repeat the cutesy things Mommy told them to say.

My prediction: Will probably make it to the live shows because people like to see this crap.

Primitivo Montoya – Dancer

Poor Primitivo didn’t have a very good audition. Let’s ignore the fact his dancing was pretty terrible (although not as terrible as his singing), was getting booed by the crowd and also got the X from Piers about 20 seconds in; that’s not what did him in. If I had to guess, I’d say his cartwheel right off the front of the stage was what did him in. I’m glad he was okay (and kudos to him for getting back on the stage and going right back into his awful routine), because it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

My prediction: He’ll win the grand prize, on America’s Funniest Videos.

The Forever Young Dancers – Models for Depends?

These Depends wearing, lollipop toting, freaky geezers could have easily made millions of dollars on this one appearance alone. I’m sure everyone watching at home and in person would pay a five spot to not have to ever see these wrinkled and fat old guys prance around in diapers.

My prediction: Their debt has been repaid.

Megatron – ???

I’ve watched this guy’s act at least three times, and I still have no idea what the heck he’s trying to accomplish. It’s like a Sunday sermon in white-guy rap form, but with no message other than to inform the world that he wants to be called Megatron for some reason. He got buzzed by all three judges withing 30 seconds, and then followed Primitivo’s footsteps and walked right off the front of the stage, too (see picture above). Too bad this “Angel of Light” hasn’t earned his wings yet.

My prediction: Will start a cult, arrange a group sacrifice, then be the only one to drink the Kool-Aid.

The Crossed Swords – Sword Fighting

The idea of a husband and wife combo sword fighting to the death may sound cool, and it would be if these two could actually put on a realistic looking sword fight. It looked like two neighbor kids with fake lightsabers going at it. The only interesting part about this whole act was when Piers, Howie, and Nick made their way on stage and started dueling each other. The funny part is, I think they looked better doing it. Piers said yes, but Sharon and Howie sliced their dream in half.

My prediction: Look for them at your local Medieval Times.

Team iLuminate – Techno Dance Light Show

It’s hard not to draw some comparisons to Season 5’s Fighting Gravity, but admittedly this group is much more about dance. It was probably the most enjoyable act of the evening; creative, interesting, and since the suits’ lighting goes on and off at various times, the options for unique visuals are endless (you really need to watch the act to see what I mean). If they can keep this act fresh from week to week, then I’d say they could go pretty far.

My prediction: Will definitely make it pretty far into the live shows, and could even win if they can really explore this concept and keep it fresh.

That’s it for Atlanta; one of the worst audition shows I’ve seen overall. Thankfully, there are many more cities to go. Look out for my reviews of Seattle, Houston, and Minneapolis coming soon!

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