Best Feud: One almost feels bad for Fox News as one man — Jon Stewart’s THE DAILY SHOW — repeatedly makes mince meat of their entire network. Almost.
The “Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya” Award Goes To… : Vinny, The Situation and any other JERSEY SHORE cast member who walks away — or threatens to — from the show. Dudes, if you think there aren’t about 5.3 million folks with equally low IQ’s willing to act like complete asshats in order to make millions of dollars, you know nothing about the tragic state of today’s society.
Campaign With The Most Bite: Discovery Channel brilliantly released ads using Lady Gaga’s “Show Me Your Teeth” to promote Shark Week.
Person You Never Want On A Jury Judging You: CNN’s Nancy Grace proved that she is a believer not in justice and points of law but mob rule by calling Casey Anthony’s jury “kooky” and other derogatory terms. Better still, she proved herself a hypocrite by then taking John King to task for showing clips in which she was criticized by an actual juror. Note to Ms. Grace: If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Most Ridiculous Controversy: A DirecTV ad featuring a fake boxer named Truth sparked accusations of racism and elder abuse from people who clearly have never MONDAY NIGHT RAW, which features walking stereotype R. Truth. Oh, and who also clearly have no sense of humor whatsoever.
Most Obvious Outcome: According to LA Weekly, the reason the winner of AMERICA’S NEXT GREAT RESTAURANT saw his franchise fail was… bad food. Huh. You’d think someone would have taken that into consideration.
Go Ahead, Laugh: The folks at Deadline Hollywood reported that Russell T. Davies — creator of TORCHWOOD and QUEER AS FOLK — would be doing a new series for Showtime. The only known details? The show will revolve around gay men and is named CUCUMBER. The jokes right themselves, kids.
Most Likely To Be Banging Their Heads: NBC execs who will pay a fortune for the 2018 Winter Olympics… which will be broadcast from Korea, a country with a 14-hour time difference, thus assuring most events won’t air live during primetime.
Train Wreck Of The Week: As always, BIG BROTHER promised to be both the most addictive and, thanks to the presence of wildly-annoying former-contestant Rachel, annoying guilty pleasure of the summer.
Most Unexpected News: ABC announced that they’d sold the licensing for doomed soaps ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE to Prospect Park production company and that the shows would continue on-line via an as-yet-unlaunched Hulu-like service. Fans were cautiously optimistic yet skeptical, especially given ABC’s having treated them like red-headed stepchildren in the past.
Luckiest Chick Ever: Showtime’s HOUSE OF LIES cast conventional hunk Michael Rady (MELROSE PLACE) and unconventional hunk Nick Stahl (CARNIVAL) to woo Kristen Bell.
Oddest Debate Among Pop Culture Aficionados: The hottest topic among TV columnists? Are there too many breasts (tits, boobies, dirty pillows, etc) on networks like HBO and Showtime. Guess if you never get to touch ‘em in real life, you’ll look for any excuse to write about ‘em, right nerds?