Dumbest Move: BIG BROTHER’s Jordan had an opportunity to not only make the lackluster season more interesting but solidify her and Jeff’s position in the house by putting nasty nitwit Rachel and her knuckle-dragging beau, Brendon, on the block. Instead, Jordan wussed out by nominating Cassi and Shelly for eviction.
Saddest News Ever: A&E has officially given up any and all rights to use the word “Arts” in reference to its programming now that STORAGE WARS has become the channel’s most-watched series.
Silliest Lawsuit: Reality babe Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for millions because they used a look-alike in an ad. What next? Kermit suing the Budweiser frogs?
Best Thing To Come Out Of Comic-Con So Far: The beautifully edited trailer for season six of DEXTER will put a song in your head and a chill in your heart.
Most Liberal Use Of The Word “Naked”: CBS got lots of attention for the new TWO AND A HALF MEN poster featuring the cast — including new addition Ashton Kutcher — in a state of undress. But you could see more flesh on any beach… or most New York City subways.
The “See-Ya!” Award Goes To…: Ryan Murphy, who reportedly has a short-attention span and is bored with GLEE. Certainly the attention-span issue would explain the show’s uneven-at-best storytelling. Could handing the show’s reins over to someone else be the best thing to ever happen to McKinley High’s singing students?
Weirdest Pairing: Animal Planet has gotten into bed, so to speak, with Heidi Fleiss for a show titled — we kid you not — HEIDI FLEISS: PROSTITUTE TO PARROTS in which the world’s most famous madam feathers her nest by caring for birds.
Silliest Renewal: Wait, people were upset because the season-finale of THE KILLING didn’t reveal who murdered Rosie Larson, and yet nobody seems to be freaking that the recently-renewed FINDING BIGFOOT didn’t actually, you know, find the titular creature.
Most Mysterious Vanishing Act: Robert Wagner — best known to many as one half of the infamous duo HART TO HART — is out as the guy giving CHARLIE’S ANGELS their weekly instructions. Oddly, despite this being a job one can literally phone in, “scheduling conflicts” were given as the reason. Hmm…
Great News For Scripted Shows: MTV’s new series AWKWARD had a strong debut, bringing in 1.7 million eyeballs. On the downside, it’s lead-in, TEEN MOM, continued to prove a heavy hitter with 3.2 million tuning in. Baby steps, kids. Baby steps.
Why Americans Are Screwed: Remember that whole revolutionary war thing, where we fought against the English? Well, it turns out God is English… at least he is in the upcoming series AFTERLIFE, which just cast Ricky Gervais as The Big Guy.
Proof That Celebs Are Just Like Us: While you were sitting in Twitter jail awaiting for your invite to Google Plus, William Shatner’s account on the new social media site was temporarily yanked for unspecified “violations.”
Most Obscenity-Filled Show On TV: From beginning to end, HELL’S KITCHEN is one bleepin’ bleep of a bleep. Oh, and most of the contestants are complete bleephats and bleepheads.