Word Most In Need Of Defining: Okay, folks, listen up. Ashton Kutcher is not “naked” in the TWO AND A HALF MEN ads. Ellen DeGeneres is not “naked” in the ads touting her show featuring Ashton. If you write a headline promising us naked, we’d better see naughty bits!
Most Over-priced Gift: TMZ reported that JERSEY SHORE’s Pauly D agreed to DJ a Kardashian event during Fashion’s Night Out in New York City and waive his usual $40,000 fee. This despite the fact that apparently, his services weren’t requested. Can a Pauly be exchanged?
Exactly What Oprah’s Network Needed… Not: Apparently unaware of the fact that there are approximately 4,345,247 home improvement shows, OWN has hired perpetually perky Paige Davis to host yet another.
This Just In: Lifetime pulled the plug on THE PROTECTOR, a show I’m willing to bet not a single one of you even knew existed.
Development We Never Saw Coming: Hearing that SHEAR GENIUS judge Jonathan Antin was getting a divorce, most people had one of two reactions: Either “Who?” or “Wait… he’s not gay?”
Quote Of The Week: In a new epilogue to her biography, daytime legend Susan Lucci (Erica, ALL MY CHILDREN) said of Brian Frons (president, ABC Daytime), “He has that fatal combination of ignorance and arrogance.” Lucci has not been so wildly heralded and applauded since the infamous night she finally won a Daytime Emmy.
The Joke That Writers Itself: One of Obama’s speechwriters quit so he could move to Hollywood and write sitcoms.
Most Harshly-Judged Decision: Speculation that Eddie Murphy would host this year’s Oscars caused titters. Confirmation? Outright guffaws… which means he’s already inspired more laughter than most people expect to experience on the big night.
Too Little, Too Late: Blockbuster, the brand that refuses to go out with some dignity, is teaming with Dish Network to launch a streaming service designed to rival Netflix. Which means streaming is dead and within six months, Netflix will already have moved on to the next big thing.
Most Clueless Seductress: It’s been downright hard to watch BACHELOR PAD’s Erica make the moves on one uninterested guy after another. But seeing her throw herself at Blake to the point of sexual harassment was one of the most bizarre sequences to rock the house.
Best Pick-Up: Thanks to Lifetime, AMERICA’S MOST WANTED will continue airing new episodes and catching bad dudes.