Most Welcome Return: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, whose writers not only continue to amaze us with their seemingly never-ending array of methods in which to extract blood from an ever-expanding cast of beautiful people, but surprise us with jaw-dropping twists following some surprisingly unexpected vampire-werewolf-hookup-hawtness.
Understatement Of The Week: Upon finding out in front of a studio audience that his former fiancé — whom he’d been hoping to win back — had gotten engaged to another man, BACHELOR PAD’s Michael uttered, “I’m sorry, that’s super awkward.” He then added, “Really? Here, though, is where everyone… they find out? Even like a letter would be great, or an E-mail prior!”
Reason 5,432 We Are Jealous Of “Real” Entertainment Reporters: Oh, to be part of the annual tradition in which press corps members compete against one another on an actual SURVIVOR challenge.
Easiest Way To Spot A Financially-Troubled TV Personality: Tune in to any of the REAL HOUSEWIVES franchises, where Adrienne Maloof is the latest “star” reportedly having money problems.
Couldn’t Happen To A Nicer Guy: Neil Patrick Harris — A.K.A. the guy we’d most love to hang out and drink over-priced cocktails with — got a much-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Most Welcome Return Runner-Up: After forgettable stints on HELLCATS and DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, THE SECRET CIRCLE finally gave QUEER AS FOLK’s Gale Harold the opportunity to do what he does best. Indeed, being bad has never looked so good.
Idea We Simultaneously Love And Hate: Apparently, The CW has decided that what the world really needs is a reboot of BEAUTY & THE BEAST (which we love) while adding, according to TVLine.com, “a procedural twist” (which we’re a little less in love with).
Proof That The Term “All-Stars” Needs A New Definition: For a show that has yet to produce a household name, AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL seems awfully full of itself in dubbing this cycle full of also-rans as all-stars!
Oddest Tale: After Michaele Salahi — aka the female half of the party-crashing couple from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF D.C. — went missing, her hubby called the authorities fearing she’d been kidnapped. Yeah, um, no. Turned out she’d run off with a member of the band Journey. In the infamous words of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’s Emily Litella, “Never mind.”
The “Mother, Make It Stop” Award Goes To… : Constantly emerging details about REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS’ Russell Armstrong. If ever there was a case of “too much information”, this is it.
Best Marketing Move Ever: The October issue of ?i?Playboy?/i? — a magazine that hasn’t been relevant since the invention of the Internet — features THE PLAYBOY CLUB star Laura Benanti and, as a tip of the change purse to the period in which the series is set, costs sixty cents. Grandpa’s everywhere are highly stoked.
Slipperiest Slope: Several CW shows will have banner ads for Google-lite, Bing, running across the bottom of the screen “three or four times” an hour. Worse, as if to give validity to the idea of taking people out of dramatic moments, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES’ executive producer Kevin Williamson will appear in an ad running during the show. Prediction: By the end of 2012, at least two networks will have ads on screen at all times during programs… and they’ll scratch their heads as to why viewers are tuning out.
RINGER Redux: And speaking of all that Bing-money the CW is raking it, would it have killed the apparently cash-strapped network to spend a few more dollars on the laughably poor green-screen visual effects on RINGER. We’re just sayin’
Best Recap: As RAISING HOPE prepares for season two, Fox released an adorable video featuring daycare provider/songstress Shelly (the charming Kate Micucci) crooning a tune that reminds current viewers of who’s who and serves as a perfect introduction to those who’ve never tuned in. (Now, you have absolutely no excuse not to watch one of the best sitcoms on the tube!)
Trend That Really Needs To Die: It is now impossible for any show to be canceled without someone, somewhere starting a rumor that it will get the big-screen treatment. No, they won’t. These stories exist for only two reasons: 1) Entertainment reporters ask the “Hey, star of failed show, do you think there will ever be a movie?” question in order to write a headline designed to draw in readers. And stars of failed shows answer the question as if there’s a shot in heck of it happening in order to keep their names in bold print.