Remember the good old days when November sweeps meant epic, sprawling, mini-series’ like RICH MAN, POOR MAN or NORTH AND SOUTH? Now, the all-important ratings period has been reduced to a special saying farewell to Regis and the Country Music awards. Sure, those seem like awesome ways to kill a couple hours, but we humbly offer up a few suggestions that are a tad more in keeping with the notion of “special.”
FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC
Ask most children of the 80’s, and they’ll tell you this haunting tale of child abuse and incest had them reading until the wee hours and stays with them to this day. The 1987 big-screen version redefined the word lame, removing the most shocking elements of the story and ending with the death of a character crucial to the sequel. We’d love to see someone give this story the sprawling treatment it deserves. Air ATTIC in November… and the sequel, PETALS ON THE WIND in February!
It’s beyond time that somebody remade this classic trashfest. The big question is… who should get to utter the infamous line, “Which one of you bitches is my mother?” Our vote: GOSSIP GIRL Leighton Meester.
BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS
Okay, I haven’t actually seen this 1980 sci-fi flick, but my best friend described it thusly: “John-Boy from THE WALTONS has to save a peaceful planet called Earth, where NEWHART’s Julia Duffy lives. Oh, and Sybil Danning is a space Valkyrie who mentors Darlanne Fluegel in the ways of… well, you be the judge. “I would recharge his capacitators, stimulate his solinoid. Tingle dingle dangle his transistors… ” Either she wanted to sex him up or fix his radio. In either case, a big, splashy, multi-night remake seems in order!
THE LAST OF SHEILA
One of the coolest little movies you’ve probably never heard of, SHEILA was a 1973 mystery about a group of Hollywood “friends” invited to spend a weekend on a private yacht and play a nasty little game which revealed each of their secrets. Sex, lies and — of course — murder followed.
They don’t come much more epic that this billion-or-so page novel by Diana Gabaldon about Claire Randall, a woman who is mysteriously transported from 1946 to 1746 only to fall in love with sexy Scottsman Jamie Fraser and live the adventure of a lifetime.
Richard M. Simms is the executive editor of Soaps In Depth magazine.