Most Manipulative Match: Conspiring with a priest to destroy Blair’s marriage means it’s official… GOSSIP GIRL’s Chuck is hellbound!
Least Shocking Spoiler: Entertainment Weekly reported that a “major character” would be killed off DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES in March. Not particularly earth-shattering given that the entire show will bite the dust a few months later.
Speaking Of Wisteria Lane… : Why the heck, you ask, are we still watching this increasingly lifeless show as it limps toward the grave? Completion issues.
Best Gene Pool Ever: Matt Bomer of WHITE COLLAR has been cast to play the brother of GLEE’s Darren Criss.
Intriguing Fact We Didn’t Necessarily Need To Know: PROJECT RUNWAY guru Tim Gunn hasn’t had sex in 29 years. Try unknowing that!
Most Anticipated Drama: We don’t give two hoots about the upcoming show ANGER MANAGEMENT, but we do hope someone’s smart enough to record the backstage antics of stars Charlie Sheen and Shawnee Smith.
Best Relocation: When THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Adam refused to resign from the family company, papa Victor had the troublemaker’s desk moved… to the men’s room!
Proof There’s Hope For This Country Yet: THE BIG BANG THEORY actually beat AMERICAN IDOL in overall viewers.
Most Ironic Development: In announcing their upcoming summer telenovela, REACH FOR A STAR, Nickelodeon said, “We’ve experienced first-hand the popularity of the daily scripted format.” Of course, kids raised on these new soaps will eventually age into a world that has canceled all of the daily scripted programming aimed at adults ala ONE LIFE TO LIVE!
Saddest Joke Ever: Increasingly loony SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alum Victoria Jackson — who’s still riding the birther train, God bless her empty little head — told the Miami News Times she should run for office because she’s “the only person who has reason, common sense and sanity.”
Most Easily Made Mistake: Admit it. When you read articles that said “MOB WIVES’ Big Ang was once a… ” you assumed the sentence would end with “man” not, as it turned out, “cocaine dealer.”
Why Reality Television Needs To Die: NBC will air a FEAR FACTOR episode involving a challenge in which people must drink donkey semen. Oh, and wash it down with urine.
Best First-Date Story Ever: Former NANNY Fran Drescher claimed in an interview that she and her husband “were programmed to meet” after separately being abducted by aliens as teens.
The Borg Would Approve: Proving that corporate America is slowly morphing into one big company, an article on TODAY.com about a yanked DOWNTON ABBEY line of jewelry concluded with the disclaimer “Carnival is part of NBC Universal. TODAY.COM is part of msnbc.com, a joint venture of Comcast/NBC Universal and Microsoft.” Face it, kids… resistance is futile.