Biggest Irony: Even as its one remaining soap, GENERAL HOSPITAL, is the center of constant cancellation rumors, ABC’s primetime slate for next season is looking to be chock-full of sudsy pilots like SCRUPLES (based on the Judith Krantz potboiler) and AMERICANA (which sounds an awful lot like THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL).
Best Reaction Ever: Just when we thought we couldn’t love Kristen Bell anymore comes her appearance on Monday’s ELLEN. Also, anyone else thinking how cool it might be to be reincarnated as a sloth in the next life?
Our Humblest Suggest: Newly-bankrupt Kodak wants it’s name removed from the famous theater in which the Academy Awards are held. With that in mind, how about everyone starts referring to it as The TV Addict Theater?
And This Week’s Award For Most Valuable Guest Star Goes To… : Lizzy Caplan, who finally calling out Zooey Deschanel’s NEW GIRL on, “Your whole thing. With the cupcakes and the breaking for birds, and the bluebirds come and help me dress in the morning!”
Worst Role Model Of The Week: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady admitted to illegally streaming last year’s Super Bowl. Hey, Tom, wanna know why SOPA and PIPA became such a big deal? Look in the mirror, dude.
Most Disturbing Scene, Daytime Division: Even many folks who love GENERAL HOSPITAL’s JaSam (aka Jason and Sam Morgan) were disturbed when the pregnant heroine — whose baby may-or-may-not be the result of her rape at the, er, hands of a madman — said that a miscarriage might solve all her problems.
The Award For The Plot Twist That Was Positively Brilliant And Downright Ridiculous At The Exact Same Time Goes To… : GOSSIP GIRL, which revealed that the show’s mysterious titular character was actually troublemaking Georgina Sparks.
Biggest Misfire: Was a slushie laced with rock salt seriously the best way a roomful of writers could plausibly give Darren Criss enough time off so that he could wow audiences in Broadway’s How To Succeed? Really?
Best Casting: Sure, we were hoping Jane Badler would get the part, but Barbara Hershey will make an awesome mom to ONCE UPON A TIME’s evil queen.
Channel Most In Need Of Birth Control Lessons: ABC Family renewed THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER and picked up a new sitcom called BABY DADDY about an unwed father.
Proof Things Can Always Get Worse: We thought the political system had sunk as far as it could when Donald Trump was taken “seriously” in some circles as a presidential candidate. Then, Roseanne Barr entered the race.
Most Intriguing Reboot: We’ll admit to having originally been skeptical about NBC’s remake of THE MUNSTERS, but TVLine.com’s report that the show would have a new title — MOCKINGBIRD LANE — has us extremely interested.
Best Sport: You gotta give a “Hallelu!” to Shangela, who allowed herself to be boxed, mocked and attacked by zombies on the season premiere of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE. Here’s hoping she becomes a running gag all season.
Not So Super Idea: Just when we thought the hype surrounding Super Bowl commercials couldn’t get any sillier, the studio behind The Avengers goes ahead and releases a teaser… for their teaser!