Best Argument Against Prop 8: Ensuring the episode lived up to HAPPY ENDINGS namesake was the ridiculously romantic culmination of Wednesday’s Valentine’s Day-themed episode featuring Max’s boyfriend Grant played by special guest star James Wolk.
Sexiest Cover: Dear Entertainment Weekly, you know that seemingly never-ending string of Twilight covers we constantly give you a hard time for? Well, all is forgiven
From the Department of Less is More: This week’s super-sized hour-long episode of 30 ROCK was an unfortunate reminder that bigger isn’t always necessarily better.
This Week in Deja Vu: Is it wrong that the funniest thing about this week’s MODERN FAMILY may have been the fact that not one writer seemed to realize how awfully familiar Greg Kinnear’s overtly affectionate boss character was to a certain SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE skit?
Lamest Decision Ever: Producers of the Oscars announced that it was unlikely the two songs competing for Best Original Song won’t be performed during the ceremony. Our response? No Muppets, No Oscars!
Cheapest Thrill: PROJECT RUNWAY ALL STAR’s Anthony got a strapping young man in Central Park to strip down. After taking the dude’s shorts, Anthony later got the boot.
Most Unexpected Support: Bill O’Reilly actually took the conservative group One Million Moms to task for bashing JC Penney’s hiring of Ellen DeGeneres.
Way To Class Up The Joint! The next cycle of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL will feature American girls struttin’ their stuff against British lasses. Something tells us this is going to give all new meaning to the term “ugly American.”
Nastiest Attack: During CPAC (the Conservative Political Action Conference), Fox news contributor Cal Thomas — speaking about the White House’s stance on contraception with regards to health insurance coverage — said that MSNBC host Rachel Maddow was “the best argument in favor of her parents using contraception.”
Classiest Response: In response to Thomas’ remarks, Maddow said, “Mr. Fox News person… I am sorry that you feel that way about me, that you wish I had never been born. Personally, I’m glad that you were born. Otherwise, how would Republicans get the special Fox news bat signal that it’s time to be outraged… about what used to be Republicans’ own policy?”
Worst Trend: Yet again, a show — this time GLEE — is taking an extended “hiatus” (seven weeks) so as to stretch their episodes out until May. Remember the good old days when “hiatus” meant canceled and not “we should make more episodes”?
New Reason To Love Hoboken: The town nixed the idea of Snooki and J-Woww filming their JERSEY SHORE spin-off there. Which is bad news for Jersey City, whose mayor oh-so-wrongly believes there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
Baby Bump News, Daytime Division: Fans of GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Jason and Sam were thrilled to learn that the baby she’s expecting was fathered by him, not maybe-attacker Franco. (Liason fans, on the other hand, were not.)
Twitter Regret Of The Week: Bet newly-suspended CNN reporter Roland Martin regrets sending this one: “If a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him.”
Tackiest Cliffhanger: AMERICAN IDOL ended Wednesday’s episode with would-be warbler Symone Black falling off the stage, leaving viewers to fret about her condition until Thursday. Although Nigel Lythgoe tweeted that it wasn’t a cliffhanger, Fox sure as heck treated it as one.
Least Shocking News: Nielsen reported that young people are watching less television. File that one under “D” for duh.
Bloody Good News: Ryan Murphy confirmed that Jessica Lange will be returning for season two of AMERICAN HORROR STORY.
Oddest Decision: Apparently, Bravo has decided that when it comes to THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI, the new rule is, “If it’s broken, renew it… and then fix it.” Because God forbid they do something radical like run a scripted series.
Most Mixed Message: Even as ABC has infuriated millions of soap fans with the cancellations of ONE LIFE TO LIVE and ALL MY CHILDREN (and the probable demise of GENERAL HOSPITAL later this year), they continue ordering primetime sudsers. The latest? MISTRESSES, based on the BBC drama.