In our ongoing effort to watch anything and everything that’s on television, Thursday afternoon found us trying to get through an episode of ABC’s new daytime chatter, THE REVOLUTION.
Please know that the operative word in the previous sentence was “trying.” Because man, we haven’t seen such a hot mess of a show since WORKING IT.
For the initiated, THE REVOLUTION is a rip-off of every lifestyle show to ever hit the airwaves. Now, this in and of itself isn’t necessarily something worth getting one’s knickers in a knot over. After all, there are whole cable channels filled with exactly this same sort of dreck. (We’d ask why the airwaves needed another show in this particular genre, but the answer — based on THE REVOLUTION’s dismal ratings — is that it didn’t.) But what makes this show so particularly odious is that ABC yanked a 43-year-old scripted drama, ONE LIFE TO LIVE, in order to give us yet another reality offering. (The net also pulled ALL MY CHILDREN last year and replaced it with the equally unnecessary, if not quite as badly executed, THE CHEW.)
The episode we watched focused on cheating. Now, on the off-chance that you were drawn in by the show’s website blurb which asked “What or whom did Tim Gunn cheat on?”, the answer will no doubt disappoint your scandal-loving little heart: As the show opened, Gunn admitted that he’d cheated on a test in third grade. Not to be outdone, “Celebrity Trainer” Harley Pasternak — who looks like a fitter and somehow creepier Howie Mandel — confessed to having tried tricking a girl into thinking he could play the saxophone in sixth grade. A minute or two later, relationship guru Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry (and really, if you take advice from a grown woman who spells her name Tiffanie, you get what you deserve) awkwardly threw in that hard economic times lead to more people cheating on their significant others.
Anyone fearing the show was about to delve into a potentially interesting topic needed not fear, for Gunn was on hand to make the most awkward segue ever by changing the topic to fashion cheats. This was followed by the PROJECT RUNWAY fashionista weirdly groping a Styrofoam mannequin’s breasts and butts as real woman raved about his insightful tips. Such as? Well, that high heels make one appear “longer.”
And that, right there, was the problem.
THE REVOLUTION is the worst titled show since COUGAR TOWN. Just as that wonderful sitcom has become so much more than its original premise, this train wreck of a reality show is about as revolutionary as the missionary position. The awkward panel is stolen from The View, the medical segments are about as informative as the nutritional information on a box of Count Chocula, fashion segments seem like an excuse to stand beneath a giant advertisement for Macy’s and erstwhile host Ty Pennington just looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.
Judging by the ratings, he’s not the only one.