Most Ironic Editing: Ticked at fellow SURVIVOR Jonas, Tarzan declared “I can’t look at that face anymore!”… as viewers were “treated” to a show of the older man’s blue-briefs-clad butt.
Best Mocking: THE DAILY SHOW’s Jon Stewart took THE LAST WORD’s Lawrence O’Donnell (whose broadcast is feeling more and more like NANCY GRACE’s… and that ain’t a good thing) to task for his overheated grilling of an empty chair in which Trayvon Martin’s attorney was supposed to be sitting.
The Hope-For-The-Future Award Goes To…: COMMUNITY, whose ratings since returning are stronger despite stiff competition. Please, NBC, don’t take Greendale away from us!
Grossest Reality Show Yet: Lifetime’s 7 DAYS OF SEX encourages couples who are on the brink of divorce to, as the title suggests, have sex every night for a week. Wonder if they stipulate that it has to be with one another?
Proof That There’s Life In The Old Girl Yet: Two years ago, not a single drama pilot was being shot in New York City. This year, Deadline.com reports that a record 11 pilots are being shot in the city that never sleeps.
Latest Reason America Need To Apologize To Canada: In five words or less, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF VANCOUVER.
Reason $234 SMASH Needed a New Showrunner: You saw that Karaoke bowling scene, right?
Most Alarming Development: TMZ reported that Snooki and THE SITUATION would be phased out of JERSEY SHORE next season in favor of “newer, wilder castmates.” The mind boggles.
How The Odd Get Odder: Former AMERICAN IDOL runner-up Clay Aiken told Bravo’s Andy Cohen about having gotten liposuction on his chin.
Worst Sweeps Stunt: CBS announced that Heidi Klum will close out May’s all-important ratings-measuring period with a special called CLASH OF THE COMMERCIALS. Because what viewers are clamoring for is more advertisements.
Best Product Placement… Evah: Google the words “Downton Arby’s.”
Best Product Placement… Runner-Up: No doubt hoping lightening strike twice, Thursday’s COMMUNITY took a page, or to be more specific, a sub, from CHUCK’s playbook.
Biggest Cockblock: CBS shut down a web site’s plan to film a lost script from the original STAR TREK.
Gayest Non-Gay Show Ever: JERSEY SHORE spin-off THE PAULY D PROJECT features more man-on-man (non-sexual, of course) action than QUEER AS FOLK.
News We Totally Dug: Fox picked up BONES for an eighth season of crime-solving fun.
Coolest Description: In an article talking about HBO’s finances, June Thomas of slate.com noted that “the generally dragon-averse New York Times had written about GAME OF THRONES over a dozen times.
Saddest News: Bluegrass musician Earl Scruggs, who helped create the classic opening theme of THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES passed away. Let’s all sit by the cement swimmin’ hole and reflect on his loss.
Grossest Confession: Oprah, whose network has become one of the biggest failures in recent television history, wants to interview Trayvon Martin’s accused killer, George Zimmerman. Careful, O… your desperation is showing.
Smartest Spoiler: The producers of THE KILLING, still stinging from backlash over last season’s non-revealing cliffhanger, promised viewers Rosie’s murderer would be revealed in the season two cliffhanger.