Totally Unfounded Rumor We Want To See Become Fact: Sure, Chris Harrison, we’re bummed that you and your wife of 18 years are calling it quits. But now you can finally go from talking about THE BACHELOR’s hot tub hook-ups to having them by going from host to star!
The Biggest Loser: Talk about backing the wrong horse! HBO’s LUCK wound up losing the net $35 million bucks and is still, despite having been cancelled, being attacked by the folks at PETA, who’ve now given new meaning to the term “beating a dead horse.”
Least Sexy Sex Club: The GOSSIP GIRL gang hit a private, mobile brothel… which somehow came off as about as dirty as an episode of ROMPER ROOM.
The Hypocrites-Are-Us Award Goes To… : MTV, who last month was reportedly upset about the sexed-up image its TEEN MOM stars were projecting by having boob jobs, nevertheless tagged along as one of them (Janelle Evans) got one.
Even Less Sexy Than The Above-Mentioned Party: Lifetime’s reality outing, SEVEN DAYS OF SEX, in which bickering couples try to fix their relationship by gettin’ jiggy with it every night for a week, is more depressing than a month of dateless weekends.
Worst Branding: Lifetime’s programming now comes with a weird-looking blob in the corner that’s almost as distracting as the ads running in the opposite corner, complete with reviews of their shows.
Most Ironic Endorsement: MODERN FAMILY was given an award by the Catholics In Media Associates… who apparently think that Cam and Mitchell are just really, really good friends.
Reason No. 4,345,324 Canadians Hate Us: They give us fun, scripted shows like L.A. COMPLEX and BEING ERICA, we convince them that having Canadian Football League wide receiver Brad Smith be their BACHELOR is a good idea.
Worst Thing To Happen To The Garden State Since Snooki: The trailer for Syfy’s upcoming flick JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK is every bit as bad as you’d expect something starring the trashy triumvirate of Joey Fatone, Vinny Guadgnino and Tony Sirico. And yes, we’ve already set our DVR in anticipation of its debut at June 9th.

Best Ever PSA: The folks at actually tricked us into  watching a vid that promoted walking for one’s health by reuniting the cast of THE WEST WING for one of their famous “walk and talk” sequences.
Worst Trend: Hey, Showtime, it’s awesome that you posted a trailer for EPISODES’ second season on YouTube. You know what’s not awesome? Having to sit through a commercial so that we can see your commercial.
The “This Could Happen To You” Award Goes To… : Patricia Krentcil of Nutley, NJ, who made the news this week after being accused of taking her 6-year-old daughter into a tanning booth. While she claimed it was all an innocent mistake, we couldn’t help but think the creepily-bronzed woman is either part Gingerbread Man or a fine Corinthian leather/human hybrid.
Why We’re Conflicted This Week: The good news? A scripted show beat reality offering THE VOICE. The bad news? Said show was TWO AND A HALF MEN
Friends In Need: Fans are signing petitions and writing letters in the hope that they can save BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, one of the best comedies to hit NBC in years. Then again, we love WHITNEY, too.
Boldest Statement: Eva Longoria sad that the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES finale wouldn’t be disappointing as LOST or THE SOPRANOS… or every mystery ever undertaken by the about-to-end dramedy.
Most Boring Game: We don’t give a flying fig about the endless speculation of who’ll wind up the fourth judge on THE X FACTOR. Unless it’s us. Wait, is it?
Let The Slash Fiction Begin: Jonn Hamm and Daniel Radcliffe are reported to be teaming up for a British miniseries. Harry Potter And The Hunky Ad Exec, coming soon to a website near you.