Snap Judgments: LAST RESORT, 666 PARK AVENUE, MISTRESSES, NASHVILLE, THE FAMILY TOOLS, MALIBU COUNTRY, THE NEIGHBORS, RED WIDOW & ZERO HOUR

LAST RESORT
According to the Official ABC Description: 500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan.

Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

Why We’re Excited: Proof positive that ABC isn’t just in the business of catering to women comes this adrenaline-fuelled action adventure from the THE SHIELD’s Shawn Ryan. More exciting still, the all-star ensemble that includes Andre Braugher, Scott Speedman, Dichen Lachman, Autumn Reeser, Jessy Schram and Robert Patrick.

Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Forgetting for a moment that Thursday at 8PM has not exactly been the most hospitable of time slots for freshman ABC series as of late, there’s the obvious question as to whether or not LAST RESORT can possibly keep up with the high standards set by what sure looks to be one helluva pricey pilot. TERRA NOVA anyone?

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666 PARK AVENUE
According to the Official ABC Description: At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

Why We’re Excited: UGLY BETTY’s Vanessa Williams and LOST’s Terry O’Quinn know a thing or two about creating compelling characters that have to be seen to be believed.
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Can a series that on the surface plays out like MELROSE PLAYS meets The Shining possibly compete with naked Dylan McDermott what Ryan Murphy and his cable cohorts can get away with on the likes of AMERICAN HORROR STORY? We think not.
 
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MISTRESSES
According to the Official ABC Description: Welcome to a provocative and thrilling drama about the scandalous lives of a sexy and sassy group of four girlfriends, each on her own path to self-discovery, as they brave the turbulent journey together.

Meet Savi (Alyssa Milano), a successful career woman working toward the next phase in her life — both professional and personal — simultaneously bucking for partner at her law firm while she and her husband, Harry (Brett Tucker), try to start a family of their own. Savi’s free-spirited and capricious baby sister, Josselyn (Jes Macallan), couldn’t be more different – living single, serial dating and partying, and regularly leaning on her big sister along the way. Their common best friend, April (Rochelle Aytes), a recent widow and mother of two, is rebuilding her life after tragedy and learning to move forward, with the support and guidance of her closest girlfriends. And friend Karen (Yunjin Kim), a successful therapist with her own practice, reconnects with the girls after her involvement in a complicated relationship with a patient goes far too deep.

MISTRESSES is a salacious new drama about a group of friends caught in storms of excitement and self-discovery, secrecy and betrayal, and bound by the complex relationships they’ve created.

Why We’re Excited: MISTRESSES is gonna be the next COUGAR TOWN… in that a year from now ABC will regret having given it that limiting name.
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Again, not a problem. Particularly since the only thing the show’s trailer accomplished is infuriating us that they cancelled GCB for this!

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THE FAMILY TOOLS
According to the Official ABC Description: Mixing family with business is never easy, and Jack Shea (Kyle Bornheimer) is about to learn that lesson the hard way. When Jack’s father, Tony (J.K. Simmons), has a heart attack and is forced to hand over the keys to his beloved handyman business, Jack is eager to finally step up and make his father proud. Unfortunately Jack’s past career efforts have been less than stellar, so everyone seems to be waiting for him to fail. His new job isn’t made any easier by Tony’s rebellious, troublemaker assistant, Darren (Edi Gathegi), and Darren’s flirtatious sister, Liz (Danielle Nicolet), who works at the local hardware store. Yet with the support of his Aunt Terry (Leah Remini) and his oddball yet endearing cousin Mason (Johnny Pemberton), Jack Shea may just find his true calling right at home.

Why We’re Excited: We’re not, but frequent TV Addict contributor Richard Simms is. So here’s what he had to say: “What’s not to like? An appealing cast we’ve liked in other things, a trailer that gave me a few laughs. It’s not particularly high concept, but then again, neither was ACCORDING TO JIM.”

Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Lest we forget, regular readers will recall that Simms also fell hard for such now-gone shows as BEST FRIENDS FOREVER and WORST WEEK (which, like TOOLS, starred Kyle Bornheimer).
 
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MALIBU COUNTRY
According to the Official ABC Description: When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

Why We’re Excited: Embarrassingly enough, Reba’s now defunct self-titled WB/CW comedy was one of our guilty pleasure. To the point that REBA Season One may-or-may-not be resting comfortably in our nearing-capacity DVD cabinet.

Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: This fish out of water story is a virtual carbon copy of Reba’s last collaboration with creator Kevin Abbott. Geez, we get it, she’s a survivor!
 
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NASHVILLE
According to the Official ABC Description: Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career?

Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.
  
Why We’re Excited: Where FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS alum Connie Britton goes, this TV Addict follows.
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Is it just us, or did we already see this story when it starred Gwyneth Paltrow and Leighton Meester and was called Country Strong?
 
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THE NEIGHBORS
According to the Official ABC Description: How well do you know your neighbors?

Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it!

It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different. For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

Why We’re Excited: Neither HAPPY ENDINGS or DON’T TRUST THE B—- was canceled to make room for what we [pause for dramatic effect] cannot believe is being rewarded with the post-MODERN FAMILY timeslot.
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Not going to be a problem. Primarily because we’re too preoccupied with wondering whether or not aliens have secretly taken over ABC President Paul Lee’s senses. Seriously. COUGAR TOWN gets bumped off the Network for this?
 
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RED WIDOW
According to the Official ABC Description: When Marta Walraven’s (Radha Mitchell) husband is brutally murdered, her first instinct is to protect her three young children. Her husband’s business partners – Irwin Petrova (Wil Traval), Marta’s scheming and untrustworthy brother, and Mike Tomlin (Lee Tergesen) — were involved in an illegal drug business deal with rival gangsters, and Marta’s husband paid the ultimate price. She already knows the violent world of organized crime; her father, Andrei Petrova (Rade Sherbedzija), and loyal bodyguard Luther (Luke Goss) are gangsters too. She and her sister Kat (Jaime Ray Newman) had always wished for a safer life without bloodshed and fear. For a while Marta lived happily as a stay at home housewife in San Marta’s cooperation, FBI Agent James Ramos (Mido Hamada) now promises justice.

Marta discovers a tenacity she never knew she had, and takes on the gangsters and the FBI to unveil the truth about her husband’s death. As she digs into this dark underworld, she’ll test her own strength, relying on her resourcefulness, determination and family ties like never before. To get out of this mob, she needs to beat the bad guys at their own deadly game.

Why We’re Excited: We don’t have to review this series until midseason.
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: Considering the trailer plays like one of those awful Lifetime movies, excitement getting the better of us isn’t going to be a problem.
 
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ZERO HOUR
According to the Official ABC Description: As the publisher of a paranormal enthusiast magazine, Modern Skeptic, Hank Galliston has spent his career following clues, debunking myths and solving conspiracies. A confessed paranormal junkie, his motto is “logic is the compass.” But when his beautiful wife, Laila (Jacinda Barrett), is abducted from her antique clock shop, Hank gets pulled into one of the most compelling mysteries in human history, stretching around the world and back centuries.

Contained in one of his wife’s clocks is a treasure map, and what it leads to could be cataclysmic. Now it’s up to Hank to decipher the symbols and unlock the secrets of the map, while ensuring the answers don’t fall into the wrong hands – a man they call White Vincent (Michael Nyqvist). With his two young associates, Rachel (Addison Timlin) and Arron (Scott Michael Foster), in tow, along with Becca Riley, a sexy FBI agent (Carmen Ejogo), Hank will lead them on a breathless race against the clock to find his wife and save humanity.

Why We’re Excited: Treasure Hunters! Nazis! Secret Societies! Where do we sign up?
 
Why We Probably Shouldn’t Let Our Excitement Get the Better of Us: When’s the last time a midseason show not produced by Shonda Rhiems lived to see a second season on ABC?
 
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