Best Homage: MODERN FAMILY’s season finale mocked telenovelas while at the same time putting the Prichett clan through a few “Dios mio!” worthy twists.
The You-Can’t-Write-This-Crap Award Goes To… : COMMUNITY, where, with the reveal that cast members were given a talking-points memo telling them how to address Dan Harmon’s dismissal, the off-screen antics officially trumped even the most ridiculous events to unfold at Greendale.
Unholiest Development: A 10-episode version of THE EXORCIST is being shopped around. We’re trembling with excitement.
Girl’s Just Wanna Have Fun… And A Cute Boyfriend: Yet again, young females propelled a singer of middling talent to the top slot on AMERICAN IDOL.
Most Apocalyptic News: Snooki’s having a boy. Around the world, Satanists prepared for the return of their king.
Most Relatable Situation: After being struck by a car, an EMT literally had to pry an iPhone from the hand of Michael McKean (Lenny, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY). Yup, you’d have to fight us for ours, too!
Biggest Dis: While the REVENGE finally featured ads for such soapy shows as TRUE BLOOD, DALLAS and the upcoming 666 PARK AVENUE, ABC’s lone daytime sudser, GENERAL HOSPITAL, didn’t get a single spot during the network’s biggest primetime continuing drama.
Best Reality Romance: Forget THE BACHELORETTE. The real swooning came when AMERICAN IDOL’s season 5 contestant Ace young asked season 3’s runner-up Diana DeGarmo to marry him during the Wednesday’s season finale.
Most Fortunate Escape: Stephanie March, you may not see being let go by MADE IN JERSEY as a blessing now, but trust us… when it’s yanked and you’ve landed a better gig, you will!
Least Likely To Succeed: Fans of NBC’s canceled series AWAKE planned protests designed to get the show back on the schedule. ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE fans reacted by saying, “Yeah, good luck with that.”
Tackiest Act: Sorry, Anderson Cooper, but as much as we may agree that Sarah “Barbie Mom” Burge is “dreadful”, you shouldn’t have booked her on your show if you couldn’t be respectful. And to accuse her of being a publicity hound when you easily could have not shown the episode or released the clips — both clearly designed to bring you publicity — was hypocritical at best.
Weirdest Gimmick: Funeralwise.com — a site that deals with, as one might guess, anything and everything related to helping you plan for the death of a loved one — released the results of the “first ever TV body-count study” showing that SPARTACUS beats GAME OF THRONES, with an average per-outing score of 25 to 14.
Best Decision: MTV scrapped plans for MY FIRST, a show following the exploits of virgins ready to go all the way. Execs claimed public outcry was the reason, but we hear it was an inability to actually locate virgins over the age of consent.
Why We’re Disappointed In Y’All: KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS returned with ratings that were up 16 percent over last year. Don’t be surprised if we take away your viewing privileges!
The “Is That Show Still On?” Award Goes To… : A&E’s DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER, which has been yanked after 8 season. Apparently, as of now, that dog won’t hunt.
Even We Feel Her Pain: A source reported that while Kate Gosselin is being considered for the all-star season of DANCING WITH THE STARS, she would be a “last resort.” Ouch.
Couldn’t Have Said It Better Ourselves: In expressing her gratitude that the results show is no more, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE hostess Cat Deeley admitted, “I always felt a bit like, ‘Oh, God, how much farther can I drag this out?'”
Oddest Match: Once soap fans finished rejoicing about the news that the Daytime Emmys will be broadcast on HLN, they began desperately searching their cable listings to figure out what — and where — the heck the channel is.
Hardest Sell: Destination America’s new show FAST FOOD MANIA is turning out to be unappetizing to burger chains who don’t want to shell out cash and find themselves being upstaged by the competition focused on in any given episode.
Best Newcomer: Not that we’re wishing REVENGE’s pill-popping Charlotte ill (much), but her fellow schoolgirl Jamie (played by Rachel DiPillo) is fun, charming, cute and, perhaps most of all, doesn’t leave us fantasizing about her pushing up daisies with poor Sammy.