Best Quote: HBO’s flick THE GIRL — about the troubled relationship between Tippi Hendren and Alfred Hitchcock during the making of the classic frightfest THE BIRDS — kicked off with the following words from the director: “Blondes make the best victims. They’re like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.”

Dumbest Deal: Did that SURVIVOR tribe really just give up all their rice in exchange for brownies and a shower? Yes, in fact they did.

Biggest Improvement: Sunday’s episode of THE GOOD WIFE was far and away it’s best episode of the season. It was also the first episode that was devoid of Kalinda’s mysterious husband Nick. Coincidence: We think not.

Surest Bet: In offering the biggest prize on reality TV, Spike TV’s $10 MILLION DOLLAR BIG FOOT BOUNTY is gambling on the fact that nobody will be able to prove the creature exists.

Worst Friend: Whoever the dude is who stood next to SAVED BY THE BELL alum Lark Voorhies as she babbled to a stalkerazzi from TMZ should be ashamed of himself. Friends don’t let friends yammer incoherently to the press.

Best Counteroffer: In responding to Donald Trump’s offer to donate $5 million to charity if President Obama produced his passport and college records, Stephen Colbert offered to pay the tea party darling $1 million to a charity of the laughing stock’s choosing “if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth.”

Coolest Concept: Bravo is working on a show set in the 1980’s and dealing with the cola wars that raged between Coke and Pepsi. Think OVER-CAFFEINATED MAD MEN.

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse: Just when you thought TV’s trashiest tabloid couldn’t get any more ridiculous comes news that THE INSIDER will now be known as OMG! INSIDER.

Biggest Shocker: Carrie confronting Brody and his arrest turned HOMELAND on its head and left us wondering where the heck this show is heading even as it got renewed for a third season.

Worst Product Placement: There are right ways to integrate a product… and wrong ways. Anyone needing an example of the latter need only look at this week’s episode of NEW FORD. Er, NEW GIRL. In related news, the fact that more of you watched NEW GIRL than HAPPY ENDINGS leaves us very, very disappointed in some of you. Don’t make us name names. You know who you are.

Best Use Of A Scandal: Rather than be ashamed that they were caught faking material, TLC is airing not one but two BREAKING AMISH specials in which they’ll address the conflict. Proving yet again that what THE LEARNING CHANNEL is teaching us is just how far they’ve strayed from their origins.

Best Flashbacks: Although portrayer Darlene Conley passed away in 2007, THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL used clips from past episodes to beautiful effect when it came time for dying Stephanie to reflect on the tempestuous relationship she had with her redheaded frenemy.

Best Milestone: This week, DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION marked its 300th episode. And it doesn’t look a day over 295.

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