Best Meltdown: Watching SURVIVOR’s Brandon lose his marbles was the very definition of train-wreck TV. We wanted to look away but… oh, who are we kidding?
Coolest Casting, Daytime Division: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL alum Corbin Bleu signed on to Hulu.com’s reboot of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, which is slated to return in late April. Maybe he can get buddy Zac Efron to pay Llanview a visit…
Best Reason Not To Set Your DVR: AMC and Netflix announced that three months after THE KILLING’s third season wraps its run on the former, the latter will make the season available to subscribers.
Cruelest Irony: Pugnacious pundit Keith Olbermann reached a settlement in his $50 million lawsuit against former employer Current TV… which he can’t talk about because of the confidentiality clause.
Best Rebranding: Avery’s suggestion that Seattle Grace be renamed after Lexie and Mark made even this jaded GREYS ANATOMY viewer well up just a bit.
Most Unexpected Twist: VERONICA MARS may get that much-discussed move thanks to Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell’s Kickstarter effort which proved that fans really are willing to put their money where there mouths are.
Most Overdue Confession: At long last, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Sabrina told Patrick that he was the guy she dreamed of playing doctor with.
Dumbest Blonde: THE BACHELOR’s Sean Lowe, who just joined the cast of DANCING WITH THE STARS, insists that he hates the whole “reality-show fame” thing, apparently not understanding that he could just say no.
Worst Trend: NBC is giving its new reality series READY FOR LOVE a weekly two-hour slot, and CELEBRITY APPRENTICE will begin airing similarly supersized outings on April 14. Remember when the only 120 minute thing airing on any network was a movie?
Least Shocking Reveal: Given that Chris Harrison repeatedly gushed about how America loved THE BACHELOR reject Desiree, absolutely nobody was surprised to learn she’ll be the new BACHELORETTE.
Best Reason To Binge: XFinity TV customers will get free access to the service’s video-on-demand and streaming library the week of March 25-31. A week later, smart optomitrists should totally offer post-binge eye exams at half price!
Biggest Pimp: Day after day, THE DR. PHIL SHOW proves that it has become nothing but a vehicle for the worst shrink since THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Taylor to push his latest book.
Saddest Good News: The funeral of J.R. Ewing drove DALLAS to its highest ratings of the season. Somewhere, Larry Hagman is smiling.
Most Awkward: Watching poor Alyssa Edwards try and roast the titular host of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE left us wanting to stick a fork in her act, cause it was done.
Worst Idea Ever That Was Had This Week: GOOD TIMES as a movie? Hollywood, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Worst Thing To Happen To Weekends Since Monday: MSNBC announced that Chris Hayes, host of UP WITH CHRIS, will this spring be moving to a primetime weeknight slot. Great news for Hayes, but a bummer for those of us who look forward to spending Saturday and Sunday mornings with Hayes, coffee and the infamous @uppastryplate!