Oddest Endorsement: Stephen King told Parade magazine that he doesn’t watch MAD MEN because it’s too soapy. “If I want a soap opera,” he added, “I watch REVENGE. That show is crazy, but they have great clothes.
Most Optimistic: Asked how many seasons AMC imagines THE WALKING DEAD will run, exec Josh Sapan said he hoped “zombies live forever.”
Topic That We Just Don’t Care About Anymore: Yet again, there’s endless discussion about who the new judges on sinking ship AMERICAN IDOL will be. Unless they’re bringing back Paula Abdul, we have two words on the subject: bored now.
Least Self-Aware: In making a ridiculous plea for people to take him seriously as an artist at the Billboard Music Awards, Justin Bieber assured we’d do exactly the opposite.
Worst Export: HONEY BOO BOO debuted in England this week, assuring once and for all that they will never, ever regret no longer being our parent country.
Most Self-Actualized Series: Between THE BACHELOR’S FUNNIEST MOMENTS and an ad for THE BACHELORETTE touting the upcoming season’s “man-tears”, the reality franchise clearly realizes many of us watch not for the supposed romance but to mock it mercilessly.
The “What’s Your Hurry?” Award Goes To…: BATES MOTEL, which burned through about three years worth of story in its just-concluded freshman season.
Oddest Pairing: The folks at CMT proudly announced they’d be showing reruns of HELL’S KITCHEN, declaring the program to be a perfect fit. Apparently, like the cheftestants, country music singers also scream obscenities in funny accents when people can’t cook scallops.
Worst Title: Although GIRLS star Lena Dunham isn’t thrilled with the porn parody of her series, she shouldn’t fret. Thanks to the title “This Ain’t Girls XXX”, it’s unlikely most people will even make the connection.
Horn Least Likely To Be Tooted: While professional braggart Donald Trump loves nothing more than to tout his various achievements, we suspect he won’t be tweeting about the record-low ratings the CELEBRITY APPRENTICE finale received.
Most In Need Of A Match.com Account: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Brooke — needing a faux babydaddy for the child she conceived with her brother-in-law — turned to ex-hubby Eric. Turns out, there aren’t as many available men in L.A. as we’ve all been led to believe.
Best Stunt: Fictional White House speechwriter Sam Seaborn — aka THE WEST WING alum Rob Lowe — addressed the real-life White House press corp.
Proof The Television Ratings System Is Broken: Despite being among the most-watched shows on any network, both CSI: NY and VEGAS were axed by CBS because they failed to deliver in the demo. In other words,they’d rather have fewer happy viewers as long as said viewers are between 18 and 49.
Most Likely To Shoot Themselves In The Foot: If you are aware that Kei$ha’s MTV show features her drinking urine — or aware of her having a show at all — it’s likely because the Parent’s Television Council protesting said show got it a ton of publicity.
Coolest Marathon: IFC will air 53 episodes of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT starting Saturday morning at 6 a.m. EST, perfectly timed for a catch-up session before new episodes debut on Netflix.