Best Parody of An Awards Show: Wait, HLN’s telecast of the 40th annual Daytime Emmys wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, right? Cause, um, it was a total joke.
Oddest “Tribute”: In the wake of James Gandolfini’s death, Gawker ran an article titled, “The Fatness of James Gandolfini: Inspiring, Iconic, and Probably Fatal.”
Worst Mom Ever: Tori Hensley of TODDLERS & TIARAS announced she’s creating an energy drink designed for children. Apparently, shoving candy down their throats before pushing them out on stage is so 2012.
Least Shocking “Reveal”: Radar informed readers that REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK was caught faking scenes, no doubt catching three viewers off guard.
Best Story, Daytime Division: Ever since Lauren slept with Carmine behind hubby Michael’s back, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS has created one of the most stunning portraits of a marriage in crisis to hit the small screen in years.
Scariest Threat: In the wake of Olivia’s shooting on GENERAL HOSPITAL, Mob boss Sonny warned ex-wife Carly (who’d set things in motion), “If she dies… you die!” And for a second there, we believed him!
Best Turning Of Tables: Faced with MORNING JOE hosts who clearly had no idea who he was or his brand of humor, Russell Brand wound up mocking the MSNBC pundits and, at one point, calling them rude.
Least Likely To Succeed: The broadcast networks are lobbying the FCC to loosen its restrictions on indecent programming, apparently under the mistaken belief that bad words and boobies are why people chose programs like GAME OF THRONES over, say, THE BACHELORETTE.
Most Embarrassing Scoop: E!, the network that turned the famous-for-nothing Kardashians into household names, reported on She Who Must Not Be Named having given birth long after other outlets had already broken the “news.”
Preparing To Be Most Overexposed: Chris Harrison, host of (and best thing about) THE BACHELOR franchise, is writing a book, bottling a wine, launching a menswear line and involved with a dating app. We may soon come to find out you definitely can have too much of a good thing.
Most Deserving Win: For the first time in 38 years, DAYS OF OUR LIVES took home the trophy for Outstanding Daytime Drama at the Emmy Awards.
Silliest Press Release: Prospect Park and The Online Network announced that the recently rebooted ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE would stop using dirty words. In other words, the shows that they trumpted weren’t “your grandma’s soap operas” will now be a lot more like… your grandma’s soap operas.
Tackiest Move: Five seconds after his wife miscarried, THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Hope was whisking Liam off to a mountain cabin and trying to rekindle their romance.
Worst Sense Of Humor: Testifying during a discrimination suit filed against her and her brother, butter-lovin’ broad Paula Dean said that it was okay to use the N word if one was telling a joke. Without a bit of irony, she also spoke of “off-color” jokes.
Least Surprising Bad Behavior: According to Deadline, Charlie Sheen’s antics have ticked off pretty much everyone at ANGER MANAGEMENT… and that was before he reportedly fired Selma Blair via a text message containing the C-word. And unlike on SESAME STREET, this “c” was definitely not for “cookie.”
Most Likely To Love Himself Above All Others: COMMUNITY creator Dan Harmon said of season 4, which he was not involved with, “I guess I already knew this, but apparently, I’m quite a genius.” And modest, too!
Least Interesting Cast: The folks at BIG BROTHER unveiled the new housemates this season, and they’re a uniformly bland looking group… not a single one of whom is over 32. Looks like a whole lot of time usually devoted to this series just opened up on our schedule.
Tie Most Likely To Be Severed: Anyone old enough to remember when “I Want My MTV” was a popular line will no longer feel welcome at the network, which is yet again aiming at a younger demographic and commissioned a study to learn how to lure 14-17 year old viewers. The last such study they did resulted in JERSEY SHORE, so… yeah, brace yourselves.
Most Likely To Be Ridiculed: New parents Kanye West and She Who Must Not Be Named saddled their daughter with the ridiculous moniker of North West. Wonder if like the late airline, she’ll eventually just go by Delta?
Worst Well-Intentioned Moment: We want to give THE BACHELORETTE kudos for bringing attention to the storm-ravaged Jersey Shore, but the whole thing came off as weirdly inappropriate given the male beauty pageant that preceded it and the general ridiculousness of the show as a whole.
Best Guessing Game: Forget “Who’s going to be the next judge on a random singing competition?” The question we’re really invested in is who will be the next DOCTOR WHO!
Worst Dressing Down: Men’s Wearhouse unceremoniously fired it’s executive chairman and longtime corporate spokesperson, George Zimmer. Think you don’t know he is? Close your eyes and picture a handsome older dude saying, “You’re going to like the way you look. I guarantee it.”
Most Likely To Land You On The Worst-Dressed List: The folks at REVENGE are looking to launch a fashion line. Here’s hoping the clothes aimed at men come with a warning label that reads: “Buyer Beware… 95 percent of you can not carry off the Nolan Ross look.”