This week’s “Duh” Moment: SyFy announced that SHARKNADO will get a sequel. Sadly, they ignored our demand — and, in doing so, perhaps doomed said project to failure — that it be named SHARKNADO2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.
Best Dismissal: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Katie pulled a Trump on soon-to-be-ex-hubby Bill by taking over his company and declaring, “You’re fired” Thankfully, she did it with much better hair.
Least Relaxing Retreat: Watching THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY’s Melissa literally kneel before Theresa (who was shrieking like the human equivalent of the most annoying car alarm ever) during their “team builder” exercises was as discomfiting as reality television gets.
Most Timely Story: As her daughter considered aborting the child she’d conceived while being held hostage by sex traffickers, ALL MY CHILDREN’s Angie bemoaned “the audacity of some politician to say he didn’t believe anyone could ever get pregnant from being raped!” Wonder if Todd Akin’s ears were a-ringin’?
Sexiest Casting: Think this heat wave has made things steamy in the Hamptons? Wait until Justin Hartley hits REVENGE this fall as Victoria’s son, Patrick.
Twistiest Twist, Part 1: Even as THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Nick was going around admitting that he’s not actually Summer’s dad, viewers found out that — surprise! — he actually is!
Twistiest Twist, Part 2: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Franco — formerly played by James Franco, and now played by the actor who used to play GH’s Todd (who still plays that part on ONE LIFE TO LIVE) — developed a brain tumor that left him thinking he’s the late-and-lamented Jason, formerly played by the actor now playing Dylan on THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS.
Favorite Annual Discussion: The morning of the Emmy nominations, every TV fan winds up debating who got nods, who got snubbed and how awesome/awful the noms were.
The “Shoulda Seen That Coming” Award: HONEY BOO BOO’s Mama June announced they’d quit the pageant circuit that propelled them to fame. After all, why bother doing all that work when they can make just as much money sitting around doing nothing?
Most Long-Awaited Crossover: The Griffin’s of FAMILY GUY will pay a visit to their animated kinda rivals, THE SIMPSONS.
News That Can’t Possibly Be True: TVLine claims that Adam Pally is joining THE MINDY PROJECT, but obviously, that is a big, fat lie, because for it to be true, we’d have to accept that HAPPY ENDINGS is really, most sincerely dead. Take it back, TVLine! Take it back!
Least Surprising Guest Ever: Gee, who didn’t see Kris Jenner landing an “exclusive” interview with daughter Kim Kardashian and the most talked about baby since Jesus.
Toughest Job: The mother of BIG BROTHER contestant Aaryn Gries supposedly has hired a PR person to help “spin” the various racist remarks her daughter made while on the show. Good luck with that.
Worst Boss: Returning COMMUNITY showrunner Dan Harmon told The Hollywood Reporter that, in essence, he was a giant dickwad who “was the reason why everyone above me and everyone below me had a problem.” We love a good, old-fashioned “self-proclaimed-jerk-gets-the-kind-of-second-chance-nice-people-never-get story… don’t you?