Silliest Self-imposed Deadline: Fox said that GLEE will end after two more seasons. Unless, of course, it doesn’t.
Tribute Most Likely To Cause Controversy: The Emmys are trying to figure out the best way to acknowledge the death of Cory Monteith… without getting everyone up in arms about the circumstances surrounding his demise.
Best Reveal: Almost immediately after hitting GENERAL HOSPITAL, newcomer Derek Wells was revealed to be Julian Jerome, a name very familiar to longtime fans of the sudser!
Developing Feud Of The Week: Jennifer Aniston quipped of Katie Couric “Is she a legitimate journalist? Is she getting tabloidy?” On Couric’s behalf, we respond with, “Is Aniston a legitimate actress? Has she done anything successful since FRIENDS?” On behalf of all readers, you reply, “Oh, snap!”
Most Obvious Solution: The producers of DADS — under fire for scenes such as the one in which actress Brenda Song is asked to “dress like a sexy Asian school girl” — insist they don’t want their show to be “the racial-insult comedy show.” Simple fix: don’t write racial insults.
Oddest Announcement: Production company Prospect Park revealed that ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE would have their “season finales” on September 2 and August 19th. This despite fans having been told the shows would run year-round like, you know, actual soaps.
Least Likely To Thrill Oprah: Shame on Fox for identifying HELL’S KITCHEN dinner guest John Schneider as being the star of axed SMALLVILLE as opposed to his current gig, THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS.
Most Deserving Of Emmys: Everyone involved with Sunday’s episode of THE KILLING (titled “Six Minutes”) deserves recognized for having produced one of the most stunning, emotionally devastating hours of television to air in recent memory.
Worst Mother: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Dr. Obrecht — played to delightfully campy perfection by Kathleen Gati — took the cake this week by calling her daughter, Britt, fat. “I’m pregnant!” declared the object of her ridicule. Obrecht’s response? “Fat is fat!”
Least Believable Defense: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY’s Teresa and Joe Giudice — accused of everything from tax evasion to conspiracy to commit fraud — are, according to her attorney, being targeted “because of her celebrity.” Not, you know, because they flaunted the law and are generally grotesque creatures.
Worst Record: Radar reports that Gordon Ramsay’s KITCHEN NIGHTMARES visited 21 restaurants over two seasons… all but two of which have since gone belly up. And not the delicious pork belly up, either!
Most Descriptive Title: Everything you need to know about TLC’s new special is right there in the name… THE MAN WITH THE 132 LB. SCROTUM. Um… yeah.
Worst Trade-off: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Liam may have gained a full-grown brother, but he’s going to lose girlfriend Hope to the dude.
Saddest Exit That’s Months Away: DAYS OF OUR LIVES confirmed that Eileen Davidson, whose Kristen has breathed new life into the show since reappearing last fall, will be leaving the show later this year.
Bloodiest Demise: It took TRUE BLOOD’s Nora what felt like forever to die, but at least when she did, it was gory as all get-out.
Hardest To Watch: Brooks dumping THE BACHELORETTE — aka Des — was only made bearable by his gorgeous, gorgeous hair.
Worst Friend Who We’d Totally Expect To Be An Awful Pal: Simon Cowell allegedly slept with — and impregnated — the wife of a buddy. Stay classy, Simon!