Worst Excuse: After Aaryn Gries was booted from BIG BROTHER, she was questioned by the Chenbot about her racist and homophobic comments. Her response was to basically use the Paula Deen offense: “In Texas, we say things that are sometimes… we joke and we don’t mean it. I feel bad that this is how it came across and how I’m being seen.” In other words: This is so ingrained into my personality that I don’t even know I’m doing it. And that, kids, is racism in its purist form.
Best Unraveling: The NEWSROOM episode in which the show-within-a-show’s Genoa story fell apart made for gripping television… topped by Jane Fonda’s showstoppingly hilarious appearance.
Most Shameless What-Your-Grandma-Woulda-Called-A-Hussy: TEEN MOM Farrah Abraham — aka the most famous-for-no-reason person whose last name isn’t Kardashian — has created an Amazon Wish List where fans can go and buy her expensive stuff. How much does dignity go for these days?
Biggest Waste: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS took sexy badboy Carmine — a character with all kinds of potential — and turned him into a dime-a-dozen psycho.
The Didn’t-See-That-Coming Award Goes To… : SCANDAL, which revealed that FRIENDS alum Lisa Kudrow will recur on the show this season.
Best News Ever: Valerie Harper’s doctors reports that her brain cancer is practically in remission.
Worst News Ever… Or At Least This Week: Despite several outlets reporting that Kris Jenner’s chatfest had been axed, Us Weekly insists we’ll still have her to kick around for a while. And oh, will we kick.
Biggest Blow: When THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s resident narcissist, Bill Spencer, walked into the lobby of Spencer Publications and saw that his portrait had been replaced with that of wife Katie, we could almost feel the shrinkage.
Truest Quip: “No good deed goes unpunished,” said THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Adam to pop Victor… adding, “usually by you!”
Why We Feel Old: MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS debuted 20 years ago this week, launching a million debates about which color outfit was sexier.
Couple That Refuses To Go Away: Kate Gosselin is suing ex-husband Jon for millions. Her accusation? That he spied on her. Yes, a woman who has lived her life in the public eye is claiming someone spied on her. Someone, call the irony police.
Why We Should All Be Ashamed: The nation spent at least two solid days discussing Miley Cyrus’ performance at the VMA’s.
Coolest Gaffe: A website for the Chinese government posted an article on major trends in aircraft carrier development… accompanied by a photo of the best damn ship that never was, Battlestar Galactica.
The Conversation That Just Won’t End: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT guru Mitch Hurwitz insists he’s still working on a movie version of the series.
Best Typecasting: DAWSON’S CREEK alum Joshua Jackson has joined Showtime’s THE AFFAIR as a man whose wife cheats on him. Because, you know, Pacey is always gonna be the kinda dude chicks cheat on.
Most Heartbreaking Scenes: Bradford Anderson ripped our hearts out as GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Spinelli finally learned that he’s a dad.
Proof The Job Market Is Getting Better: Apparently, Fox is having difficulty filling the third judges seat for AMERICAN IDOL. Turns out, D-listers aren’t as easy to come by as they used to be!
Biggest Stretch: Josh Groban is slated to guest on CBS’ sitcom THE CRAZY ONES. No, he won’t be playing himself. He’ll instead be playing a “nerdy guy.” Um… yeah.
Place We Most Wanna Go: Universal Studios in Orland officially opened their SIMPSONS-inspired area, complete with a Krusty Burger and Moe’s Tavern.