Event We’re Ashamed Of You For Attending: 3.2 million people watched HONEY BOO BOO’s mom get married.
Most Compelling-Yet-Not-Really-Interesting Game Show: While we can’t say that THE MILLION SECOND QUIZ is in any way, shape or form good, there is something train-wrecky about it that makes it impossible to stop watching.
Dumbest Question/Best Answer: Walking in to find GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Britt clearly delivering a baby on the floor of his castle (yes, castle!), Nikolas asked, “What’s going on there?” to which nurse Sabrina responded, “We’re baking a cake! What does it look like?”
Best Banter: Put THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Wyatt, Hope and Liam together in a scene, and it’s pretty much guaranteed a good time will be had by all.
Funnest Ad Campaign: Fox is running “smash chat” ads in which, thanks to editing, characters from one show appear to be having phone conversations with those from another.
Most Likely To Die Of An Eye-rolling Incident: PROJECT RUNWAY’s Ken clearly was never given the childhood warning, “Keep making that face, it’ll stay that way!” ?
Why Your Gay Friends Are Trying To Figure Out What Channel NBC Is On Their Cable Box For The First Time Since WILL & GRACE ended: Cher has signed on to mentor Blake Sheton’s team on THE VOICE.
Trend That May No Longer Be Trendy: Given the failures of shows hosted by such luminaries as Arsenio Hall, Kris Jenner, Katie Couric and Bethenny Frankel, it might be time for networks to stop handing out chat fests to anyone who happens to catch their eye.
Best Fit: Katie Couric taking the place of Barbara Walters on the increasingly irrelevant THE VIEW? Yup. Totally works.
Person We’d Most Like To Buy A Drink: SONS OF ANARCHY creator Kurt Sutter said of the Parents TV Council — aka the self-appointed guardians of “inappropriate” television — “I would imagine these are not evil people, but they are just not very intuitive or intelligent individuals.”
The “Really, Most Sincerely Dead” Award Goes To… : THE KILLING, which got the axe for a second time this week.
Best Lemonade Make Of Lemons: FOX is using the horrifically bad reviews for its fall sitcom DADS in ads promoting the show, almost guaranteeing that people who’d never have otherwise have tuned in will do so if only to see if it’s “really that bad.”
Worst Endorsement: THE TALK’s Sara Gilbert admitted that she realized she was gay while dating former ROSEANNE co-star Johnny Galecki. In the worst kissing endorsement ever, she admitted, “We would, like, make out, and then I would start to get depressed.”