Best Solution: As bored with HOMELAND’s third season as we mere mortals, actress Olivia Wilde offered up this advice on Twitter: “Homeland writers, how about we just have Carrie take her meds, take over the CIA, annihilate Dana, and solve puzzles all day?”
Silliest Faux Deadline: No, no, not that whole debt ceiling thing. We’re talking about the question of whether or not GLEE will end… not at the end of this season, but the end of next season.
Why God Invented The Internets: Folks wanting to “attend” the funeral of BREAKING BAD’s Walter White being held in Albuquerque will be able to thanks to it being live-streamed on Youtube.
Cruelest Trick: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s evil Dr. Obrecht tricked Robin by donning an Anna mask… and then laughed when the heroine fell for her charade. How can you not love to hate her?
Worst Costumes: Any parent who sends their child out wearing BREAKING BAD-inspired outfits (one of which features a “blue meth lollipop”) should immediately be investigated by Child Protective Services.
Lamest Excuse: In exiting THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY, Caroline Manzo said the show had become something she hoped her future grandchildren “would never see.” Because, you know, up until now it’s been such a classy production.
Most Public No-Show: Charlie Hunnam — aka the guy who won’t be Christian Grey — failed to appear at a SONS OF ANARCHY event he was slated to attend at the Paley Center.
Coolest Victory: ABC’s Halloween special, TOY STORY OF TERROR, wound up beating both SURVIVOR and REVOLUTION in the key demo.
Most Controversial Casting Move: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL announced that Ridge — an original character portrayed for over 25 years by Ronn Moss, who exited the show last year — will return to the canvas in December looking a whole lot like ALL MY CHILDREN alum Thorsten Kaye.
Worst Witch: Emma Roberts’ turn as a bitchy teen spellcaster on AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN is particularly painful given that she’s surrounded by some of the greatest female actors of all time.
Best Bitch: SCANDAL’s First Lady Mellie Grant’s epic, drunken toast to her absent but ever-present rival, Olivia,
Funnest Guessing Game: With Mark Wahlberg reporting that “greedy people” are the reason an ENTOURAGE movie hasn’t happened, we passed minutes and minutes pondering exactly whom he was referring to.
Unhappiest Hour: Despite having an audience largely comprised of moms, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS featured a story in which a child was killed by a hit and run driver. Surprisingly, many viewers did not find this particularly entertaining. Fortunately…
Best Chaser: … with its heady mix of romance and humor, THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL proved the perfect post Y&R pick-me-up.
Fake Art Show We’d Totally Have Attended: Come on… we couldn’t have been the only ones drooling over the nude pics of THE MINDY PROJECT’s Chris Messina featured in this week’s episode! Paging Dr. Castellano, STAT!
Best Fit: Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s right-skewing views may have often caused hackles to rise at THE VIEW, but her addition to FOX & FRIENDS resulted in that show’s ratings going up over 20 percent.
Things That Make You Go D’oh: THE SIMPSONS has raked in over $4.6 billion… in merchandising money alone.
Coolest Cameos: As the LAW & ORDER: SVU crew gathered to roast retiring officer John Munch (played on 10 different series by Richard Belzer), sharp-eyed viewers caught sight of the cop’s ex-wives and former co-workers from the character’s time on HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET.
Best Exit: LOST co-creator Damon Lindelof left Twitter via a final tweet reading, “After much thought and deliberation, I’ve decided t… ”
Most Convenient Timing: Amidst increasing criticism for its lack of diversity, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE announced that SCANDAL’s Kerry Washington will host the show on November 2.
Least Predictable Weather: Bet that scavenging crew from last week’s episode of THE WALKING DEAD wishes Siri had been around to warn them, “Looks like it’ll be raining… zombies!”
Most Highly Anticipated Return: At long last, GREY’S ANATOMY brought back underwear dancing!
Kinkiest Scene: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Faison agreed to sleep with his obsessed babymama, Obrecht… if she agreed to wear a prosthetic mask so she’d look like the object of his obsession, Anna!
Best Proof That Actors Shouldn’t Be Allowed Too Much Control: Six words… Rebel Wilson and SUPER FUN NIGHT.