Best Night Of Television: Between REVENGE, THE GOOD WIFE, MASTERS OF SEX and THE WALKING DEAD, Sunday night and a DVR could keep a TV lover happy for the entire week.
Oddest Tradition: “So,” asked THE VAMPIRE DIARIES’ Stefan of Mystic Falls’ Remembrance Day, “we have a holiday dedicated to burying people alive?” We’ll drink to that!
Tackiest Ads: Promos for the game Battlefield 4 feature gamers describing things like stabbing people, destroying and other horrors of war gleefully.
Worst Idea Ever: GLEE is considering Kurt to the virulently anti-gay Russia. Sorry, but a show that was too afraid to address teen drug abuse head-on when given the opportunity can’t be trusted with something so incredibly incendiary.
Best Halloween Costumes: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s cast donned some outrageously fun outfits, including badguy Faison, who did a dead-on impression of BEETLEJUICE!
Sweetest Rerun: Sunday night, FOX will air an episode of THE SIMPSONS from Season 3 that revolves around the late Marcia Wallace’s Springfield alter ego, the lovelorn Edna Krabappel.
Biggest Game-Changer: After weeks of set-up, THE GOOD WIFE delivered the goods when it came time for Alicia and Cary’s plot to be exposed.
OMG-iest Moment: Talk about a shocker… it looks as if SCANDAL’s Fitz killed his mistresses mom!
Least Accurate Dis: George Romero says he didn’t want to direct episodes of THE WALKING DEAD because “it’s a soap opera with a zombie occasionally.” Clearly, he’s never seen either a modern soap (most of which lack the emotional depth of DEAD) or the series he’s trash talking.
Best Location: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL took controversial lovebirds Brooke and Bill to Aspen so he could risk his life climbing a mountain.
Silliest Lawsuit: Kim Kardashian — who has become famous for nothing more than living out her every moment in public — is suing the co-founder of YouTube for having the audacity to post footage of her proposal. If she attempts to mount an “expectation of privacy” defense, we predict it will go on record as the first case to be literally laughed out of a courtroom.
Drunk-Dial Of The Week: A sauced David Arquette called Howard Stern to report that his ex, Courtney Cox, is no longer dating her COUGAR TOWN co-star Brian Van Holt.
Why DirectTV Folks Are Celebrating: A study revealed that nearly 10 percent of Time-Warner customers impacted by the CBS blackout dropped the cable provider.
Worst Case Of Mistaken Identity: Lenovo hired Ashton Kutcher to help design its tablets. Um, guys, you know he only played Steve Jobs, right?
Least Shocking Return: With Caroline Manzo out, it was only a matter of time — as in seconds — until Bravo announced that her sister, Dina, would be returning to THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY.
Lamest Argument: Apparently playing a reverse-race card, Omarosa — whom you’ll recall became famous thanks to a reality show — said to Bethenny Frankel — whom you’ll recall became famous thanks to a reality show — that their situations were different because “I am an African-American woman. You get to walk around and be mediocre and you still get rewarded with things.” Stay classy, O. Stay classy.
Slickest Timing: DEXTER made its Netflix debut on Halloween.
Dumbest Doctor: While it was quite heroic of DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ Daniel to let everyone think he’d been with Theresa when she’d overdosed, there’s no reason on Earth why he couldn’t pull lady love Jennifer aside and tell her that he’s actually covering for her son!
Least Original Concept: Ellen DeGeneres sold NBC a show about a lesbian and her straight-male friend. In other words, she sold them WILL & GRACE: BIZARRO WORLD EDITION.
Silliest Example of Infotainment: Believe it or not, WHY WE HEART VAMPIRES is a production of NBC’s News division. No, seriously.
Coolest Twist: Having predicted that REVENGE’s Charlotte was the one to try and do away with Conrad, we were kinda disappointed to learn we were right… until it turned out that she’d been tricked by her manipulative mama into covering for true culprit Patrick!