Funniest Schtick: Watching SUPERNATURAL’s Dean play fetch, bark at the mailman and scratch himself was downright hysterical, even if his Dr. Doolittle routine got real old real fast.

Tastiest Art Display: In exposing GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Franco as a fraud, Heather revealed that the painting around his new collection had been built was a portrait of a BLT!

Biggest Contradiction: Despite their being a blindside every week, the latest cycle of SURVIVOR is relatively boring thanks to the lackluster folks occupying the island.

Quickest Ascension: SCANDAL’s James spent a day in the White House pool, landed an interview with the First Lady and this week, was put on the short list of top-journalists with Diane Sawyer!

Oddest Swooning: TOP CHEF’s Stephanie was so taken with guest judge John Besh that she acted as if winning the quick fire challenge would land her a date with the guy!

Reaction We’re Most Anticipating: Anybody else suspect that when THE WALKING DEAD’s Daryl finds out that Rick banished Carol, the fan had better watch out, ’cause it’s gonna be covered with icky brown matter?

Silliest Feud: VANDERPUMP RULES’ Schaena apparently spent months fuming about the fact that frenemy Stassi didn’t call to check in on her after a glorified visit to the dentist. In related news, the best line in the “reality” show’s premiere had to come from Katie, who said, “Scheana kinda makes my ass twitch.” The “and not in a good way” was totally implied.

Biggest Scandal: The wedding of DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ Kristen and Brady was derailed by a video of her having sex with another man… who happened to be both the groom’s half-brother and the officiating priest!

Proof Sometimes Things Get Better: Despite a painfully labored opening sequence mocking AMERICAN IDOL, this week’s LAW & ORDER: SVU proved to be one of the best of the season thanks to a distinct lack of time devoted to personal connections between the detectives and the case of the week.

Worst Stereotyping: After being told on a weekly basis that he needed to butch up his image, AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL finalist was assigned the color “fierce fuchsia” heading into the finale.

Best Belated Halloween Treat: FX renewed AMERICAN HORROR STORY for a fourth season. Now… let the guessing game begin as to where it will be set! Our wish? A haunted amusement park!

Least Necessary Remake: The History Channel is doing a new version of ROOTS, one of the most iconic mini-series in television history, no doubt to capitalize on the buzz surrounding 12 YEARS A SLAVE.

Funnest Parody: Kerry Washington’s take on “What Does The Fox Say?” on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE was almost as much of an earworm as the catchy Ylvis original.

Most Unexpected Choice: Beth Behrs and Kat Dennings — better known as the 2 BROKE GIRLS — will host this year’s People’s Choice Awards. Ooooh, hope they bring cupcakes!

Least Ladylike behavior: THE TALK co-host Sharon Osbourne told the ladies of THE VIEW to… um… let’s go with “have sex with yourselves.” She later apologized, saying no disrespect was meant. Because, you know, that’s the kinda thing you say to people you totally respect.

Reason #1 We’re Spending All Our Free Time Investigating Airfare Prices to Austin : Looks like just about the whole cast of EVERWOOD will reunite for the 2014 Austin Television Festival.

Least Graceful Winner: Having boosted the ratings of Bethenny Frankel’s talk show, guest Omarosa told Radar online that she was “a life preserver for her sinking ship.”

Best Assessment: The Olsen twins admitted that even when they were on FULL HOUSE, they considered themselves businesswomen, not actresses. Finally, something we agree with them on!

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