Oddest Juxtaposition: A&E is looking to remake the classic NBC series HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN, but are using words like “edgier reboot” to describe their take. Honestly, having anyone on the show say “darn” would probably qualify as edgier than the notoriously wholesome original.
Most Ridiculous Waste Of Time: Several Democratic senators took time to write a letter to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association expressing outrage over Julia Louis-Dreyfus smoking an electronic cigarette during the Golden Globes. Because that’s far more worthy of their time than, say, fixing the economy or extending unemployment benefits.
Coolest Twist: Once again, Emily Thorne was all set to give up on her REVENGE schemes… until she found out being shot by Daniel had left her barren.
Best News For Soap Fans: Both THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL and THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS were renewed, with the latter being extended through 2017!
Most Thoughtful Kidnapper: Hey, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Heather may be crazy, but at least she thought to bring captor Carly some BLT’s from Kelly’s. (Seriously, are those things laced with crack? The town of Port Charles seems obsessed with them!)
How Prince Instantly Became 50% Less Cool: Seriously? He’s such a big NEW GIRL fan that he wants to appear on the show? Now we know the real reason doves cry.
Smartest Exec: HBO boss Richard Plepler told Buzzfeed he’s cool with people sharing passwords that allow them to access the pay network’s shows. Clearly, the guy knows more eyeballs equals more buzz.
Proof That Kim Kardashian Is Allowed To Ruin Pretty Much Anything She Wants For No Good Reason: The famous-for-nothing reality star will be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Luckiest Scribe: Despite having three failures under her belt, Liz Heldens (creator of MERCY, DECEPTION and CAMP) is being given yet another series at NBC, this time about a Texas mega church. Third time’s a charm, right? Er… fourth?
Most Likely To Have Spent Time On Message Boards: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Victoria described the Internet as being populated by “people that want to lie or hide or make things up.”
Worst Planning: The Washington Post reported that 10 percent of the Golden Globes telecast was taken up by people walking to the stage. In other words, whoever did the seating arrangements will totally be available to do your wedding.
Why We’re Feeling Old: Both Dave Madden, who played THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY’s Reuben Kincaid, and Russell Johnson, who played the Professor on GILLIGAN’S ISLAND, passed away this week. Bonus points if you can give us the full name of The Professor!
Biggest Fan Of Chris Christie: They may be diametrically opposed politically, but Rachel Maddow’s gotta be feeling the love for the New Jersey Governor. Why? His “Bridgegate” scandal — which she has covered extensively since it first broke — helped her beat Fox’s Megyn Kelly in the all-important demo.
Most Shocking Twist: Would it kill DOWNTON ABBEY to give Anna and Mr. Bates a tiny bit of happiness as opposed to having the wife of the accused murderer violently raped?
Proof Absolutely Nobody Listens To Us: We’ve repeatedly implored CBS not to run THE AMAZING RACE and SURVIVOR at the same time, suggesting they’d get more bang for their buck by running one during the other’s off period. Yet the network just announced both will premiere the week of February 23. Sigh.
Funniest Concession: In addressing the dismal ratings for week two of INTELLIGENCE, creator Michael Seltzman said “that sucked” before admitting “it was great for five days, having the network tout you as the No. 1 new show on TV!”
Who Viewers Gave The Bird: The season premiere of DUCK DYNASTY saw a nearly 30 percent decline over last year’s premiere. Apparently, being a wacky redneck is a lot less appealing once people realize what most rednecks actually think/say when the camera’s not on them.
Promises, Promises: THE GOOD WIFE’s executive producer admitted that Kalinda’s story has been something of a hot mess and swore things would soon pick up. But we’ve heard that before and can’t help wondering why one of the best show’s on television struggles to provide good material for one of it’s most intriguing characters!
Most Intriguing Game: Even as AMERICAN HORROR STORY executive producer Ryan Murphy confirmed that season four will be set in 1950, posters and a promo indicating that the setting will be a circus sideshow began making the rounds… but were rumored to be fan made!
Most Awkward Interview: Kate Gosselin took her teenage daughters on so they could show just how normal they are despite having been turned into reality stars. The teens proved just how normal they really are by embarrassing their mom on national TV with their silence!
Longest Journey: Hannah, Shoshanna and Adam’s jaunt to retrieve Jessa from rehab on GIRLS redefined the term “trip to nowhere.” As Hannah herself said, “This roadtrip is just so unremarkable. You know what I mean? It’s like, it’s just so similar to other roadtrips that I’ve seen, like in various media.”