Oddest Journey: This week, THE BACHELOR went to Korea. Next week, it’s heading to Vietnam. What… were all the Caribbean islands booked?
Worst Co-Workers Ever: We have a tip for the waiters and waitresses at Sur, the restaurant VANDERPUMP RULES is ostensibly set at: If your loved one swears up and down they didn’t sleep with someone, just assume they’re lying. Oh, and get regular STD tests.
Bestest Co-Worker Ever: Mrs. Hughes proved yet again to be the most sensible person residing at DOWNTON ABBEY by helping to push Anna and Bates onto the road toward reconciliation!
Creepiest Ending: If that final shot of the “monster” at the end of this week’s TRUE DETECTIVE didn’t give you shivers, nothing will.
Best Sandwich-Related Backstory: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s BLT-obsessed Heather explained that her food of choice reminds her of the dad who abandoned her years earlier. We’d be all teary eyed were it not for the fact that she told this tale while holding Carly hostage in order to frame Franco for murder!
Lamest Ending: There are a lot of words we’d use to describe AMERICAN HORROR STORY’s finale, but — like most of the season — “magical” definitely isn’t among them.
Schtick We’re Most Over: We get it, Carlton. You like women. A lot. But in a mostly non-lesbianic way. Every single viewer of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS gets it. You never, ever have to declare it again.
Most Overdue Tongue-Lashing: The self-absorption of GIRLS’ Hannah reached critical mass as she made the death of her editor all about herself. Stunned, Ray suggested she “place just one crumb of basic human compassion on this fat-free muffin of sociopathic detachment… see how it tastes.”
Least Timely Title: What is it with ABC and badly-named sitcoms? Having learned nothing from COUGAR TOWN, they recently ordered the pilot SELFIE. Because America totally won’t be over that word by the time the show hits the airwaves.
Most Timely Concept: Amazon is eyeing a pilot centered on an epidemic being spread among teenage girls via technology. Perhaps a new strain of STD caused via sexting?
Best Reflexes: Rather than let moronic videobomber Colin Marcelli interrupt his live broadcast, The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore deflected the troublemaker with a well-placed knee. In related news, with over 2 million people having viewed the incident on YouTube, more people have now seen it than could tell you where The Weather Channel falls on their cable system.
The Close-But-No-Cigar Award Goes To… : SEAN SAVES THE WORLD, which was just about to film scenes reuniting WILL & GRACE stars Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally when NBC axed the show and shut down production.
Most Public Blunder: New York Congressman Michael Grimm was caught on film threatening to toss New York One reporter Michael Scotto off a balcony and “break him in half… like a boy.”
Coolest Presidential News: Forget the State Of The Union… we were stoked to hear SCANDAL is finally casting Fitz and Mellie’s teenage offspring!
Most Explosive Exit: Despite the controversy surrounding Michael Muhney’s firing, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ on-screen drama was actually more compelling than the behind-the-scenes rumors as his alter ego, Adam, had one final showdown with Billy, played by the also-exiting Billy Miller. Talk about going out with a bang!
Least Surprising Sexuality: Of course, when the Disney Channel decided to introduce a same-sex couple on GOOD LUCK CHARLIE, they went with lesbians instead of two gay men. Welcome to 2001, folks!
Most Overexposed Couple: Having appeared multiple times on THE AMAZING RACE, BIG BROTHER and THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL, it would appear Rachel and Brendon — slated for their third RACE — have incredibly incriminating photos of someone at CBS.
Safest Bet: With the Oscars set to honour The Wizard Of Oz’s 75th anniversary, we’ll eat our hat if someone doesn’t wind up entering via bubble.
Awesomest Boycott: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are cutting off magazines that publish pics of celebrity children taken by paparazzi. “Children shouldn’t be stalked,” Shepard tweeted.
Most Welcome Addition: EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND was inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame. Yet another reason for poor Robert to be jealous of his little brother.
Grossest Manipulation: Remember when just watching seven strangers — picked to live in a house and have their lives taped — was enough for us? By ambushing this year’s housemates with the arrival of their former lovers, THE REAL WORLD has officially become the grandfather of reality shows that even its tackiest off-spring are ashamed of.
Most Audacious Stunt: Bill Maher has vowed to use his HBO series as a means of getting one yet-to-be-selected member of Congress ousted from their seat.
Coolest Relocation Effort: Reportedly, the writers of England’s long-running hit CORONATION STREET are in the process of creating a similar show for Canada’s ITV!
Oddest Choice: Can anyone explain why Mark Wahlberg was picked to host the Kid’s Choice awards? Anyone? Bueller?